It Was The Night Things Changed
by Keet1992
Summary: Bella is the shy Yale freshman with a love of all things literature. Edward is the rich, young literature professor at Yale that is oblivious to all the girls that want him desperately. What happens when they meet? And what will change for them? AU/AH/BxE
1. Prologue

**Hey guys. I Know It's been forever since i have updated my other story, but I have been having heaps of trouble with it. I decided I needed to try something different, so I'm turning to my other love of Twilight, and more importantly Edward and Bella. This is just the (very short) prologue to the story. I hope you'll give it a chance. =D **

**Prologue. **

**BPOV**.

"Bella, come on, we need to find your dress for the ball," Alice shouted at me. I groaned loudly and pulled a pillow over my head. "Come on!" she yelled again.

"No. Why do I have to go anyway?" I complained.

"Because you were accepted into Yale with the highest marks of everyone in literature, so you have to go."

"No, I don't."

"Are you going to make me go all by myself?" She pouted.

"You're going with Emmett!" I reminded her.

"You know as well as I do that as soon as he sees a 'hot chick' he'll be tagging behind her like a lovesick puppy."

"Ugh. You owe me for this." I told her as I forced myself out of bed. I really hated these things.

"I love you," I heard Alice call through my thoughts.

I actually hated anything that required make up, dresses, stilettos, and attention. Also, being a ball, there would be dancing. And I would have to meet my professors. Who wants to spend a perfectly good Saturday night surrounded by old, balding professors? Not me, that's for sure.

**EPOV**

"Rose. You're coming with me to this ball," I told my sister as I walked through the literature department of Yale.

"Why, Edward? So I can get ogled by horny college freshmen and then you can beat the shit out of them?" I could almost hear her eyebrows shoot up through the phone.

"No," I stated calmly. "Because I don't have anyone else to go with, and you love getting dressed up, so you're coming. It's on Saturday, and I will pick you up at 18:00 sharp."

"Fine," Rose huffed. I knew she liked the idea really.

"Good bye, Rose."

"Whatever," I heard her say before I clicked the phone shut. I really hated these things. I had to meet the biggest suck ups I would be lecturing that year. The ones who know they're better than everyone else. Why else would they be at the 'Yale Ivy League University High Achievements and Honours Undergraduate Ball'?

**So, that's it, for now. If you want me to continue, please leave a review?! because otherwise I won't bother. I hope you'll give this story a chance. The next chapter will be the Ball, where Edward and Bella will meet for the first time. I hope you're as excited to read it as I am about writing it. (Which I'm going to do right now.)**

**xoxo **

**Keet =)**


	2. SeeThe Lights SeeThe Party The Ball Gown

**I am really really surprised and happy at all the reviews I got from the prologue. Really made my day, so thank you to all of you who reviewed, favourited or even signed up for the story alert. It helped me get this chapter done quicker, because every time I got an email saying I had another review, I made myself continue to write. I even stayed up until 2.30am this morning writing this chapter. So, consider yourselves awesome, because I think my writers block may nearly be over… xD YAY**

**Disclaimer: If I owned the twilight saga, I would be working on 'midnight sun' and have it out on the shelves by next week, or last month. So, obviously I don't own it, and all rights belong to Stephenie Meyer! **

**ONWARDS WITH THE STORY!!!!!**

It was time for the 'Bella Barbie' session, as I had named it years before. Basically, it translated to sit still, do exactly as my pixie best friend says, and nobody will get hurt. So that's what I did. At 10am that morning I had been woken by Alice jumping on my bed like a 5 year old on Christmas morning, before dragging me to the bathroom to let me shower and pull on some sweats, before she pulled me out to her car, a yellow Porsche, and sped off in the direction of her apartment, that was exactly 2 minutes walk from mine.

**FLASHBACK:**

"Alice, tell me again why you drove this thing to my apartment?" I said as I rolled my eyes at the ostentatious car that stopped every person in the street.

"Because it's beautiful, and deserves to go with me where ever I go." She smiled. Her parents had bought her a canary yellow Porsche for her birthday, and she hadn't gone a day without driving it since. We arrived at Alice's apartment about 30 seconds later. I was dragged by Alice, until we reached her bedroom, where she shoved me into the seat where I spent the next 6 and a half hours being plucked, poked, prodded and made reasonable. In other words; tortured.

**END FLASHBACK**

"Why do I have to wear this dress?" I complained once we were on the way to the ball.

"Because you look sexy and intelligent."

"I don't want to look sexy and intelligent. I want to leave some parts of my body to the imagination," I told her for the hundredth time since buying the dress three days ago.

"Bella, you're over-reacting. It's not that bad. Plus you look totally hot!"

"So you've told me," I rolled my eyes. The dress was a simple, yet sleek and elegant midnight blue floor length gown with a plunging neckline. It covered the lower half of my back, with cross-over straps detailed with elegant beadings. I had to admit I looked nice. But the dress wasn't me. It was a dress that Alice, the rich, high society fashionista would wear, not the small town, shy, fashion-clueless Bella. I sighed in defeat. We were almost there, and I knew Alice was going to force me to stand with her. Not that I was complaining. Emmett, my brother, and Jasper, my other best friend were meeting us there. Emmett was Alice's date, and Jasper was mine. Alice, Jasper and I had been really close since 3rd grade, when I moved to Forks, Washington. Alice had had a huge thing for Jasper ever since I can remember, and I was sworn to secrecy. I was pretty certain Jasper had a thing for Alice too, but he always denied it. The thing he couldn't deny was the way he looked at her when he thought no one was looking.

As Alice handed her keys to the valet, I noticed a very scared look cross the poor man's face as Alice whispered something in his ear. He nodded frantically before getting behind the wheel and driving away very slowly and cautiously. We walked in to the grand ballroom, where decorations made it look like a little girls fairytale. The theme was classic romance. I didn't know why they had themed balls for undergraduates like us, but they did, and here I was. I took in the people around me, chatting and laughing with themselves. I felt so out of place. Grabbing Alice's hand in support, we walked toward Emmett and Jasper, who were standing to the side of all the commotions, looking scared and out of place. I was glad to see I wasn't the only one.

"Bella," Alice hissed at me. "Would you relax, please? You look totally hot. Half the guys in this room cant take their eyes off you," she whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, right," sarcasm was dripping from my voice, but as I looked around, Alice had been telling the truth. Men throughout the room were watching me with desire. I gave a small smile to one of the guys who my eyes had become locked with for a short moment, before turning and continuing toward my brother and Jasper.

"Wow, Bells, you clean up real good," Emmett's voice boomed. My brother was about 6'4" and had the body build of a wrestler.

"Bella. You look great," Jasper smiled at me, but I noticed that his eyes kept travelling to Alice.

"Hello," Alice smiled sarcastically.

"You look great too, Alice,' Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. Really great," Jasper agreed, almost as if her beauty had hypnotized him. I smiled to myself.

"Thanks," Alice said shyly. I thought I even saw a small blush creep to her cheeks. Alice never blushed. Alice was never embarrassed. She really had it bad.

"Shall we," my brother asked as he linked arms with Alice.

"We shall," she replied, recovered from her little timid moment already. Curse that girl. Jasper and I followed behind them, and we headed toward the snacks table. Of course. Emmett was leading the way, after all.

All too soon, it was time to meet our professors. I groaned inwardly at the thought. I had been having a reasonably good time before now. Surprisingly. As Jasper and I made our way to the literature corner, Alice headed off to the Arts corner. Emmett had found a girl already. Alice was majoring in fashion design. I greeted my first 2 professors with a smile faker than Barbie and a polite handshake. My third professor was a little kinder. He asked me a few questions, and appeared sincere enough. The professor I met next was to be my main professor. The one who would get most of my questions. Poor guy, I thought. As I walked toward him, I had to remind myself to breath. He was beautiful. His pale skin, bronzed hair and emerald eyes contrasting perfectly to make him look like a Greek god. I realised that my breath had caught in my throat, and I was starting to lack oxygen. 'Pull it together, Bella.' I told myself, taking a deep breath before heading toward the gorgeous man. As I looked up, I saw him watching me intently. My eyes locked on his as I stepped forward to meet this angel for the first time.

"Hi," I choked out, my voice a high pitched squeak.

"Hello," He smiled at me. I almost fell to the floor at his smile.

"Uh…" I said, my cheeks turning a dark crimson colour. "Hi," I repeated stupidly. He must think I'm retarded.

"I'm Edward Cullen. I think I will be your professor this year. What is your name?" he asked, his voice like velvet.

"I-I'm Bella," I stuttered. He looked at the sheet of paper in front of him.

"Bella," he muttered to himself, and she found herself loving the way he said her name.

"Oh, umm, my name's Isabella," I told him. "Swan," I added.

"Oh, here you are," he said, pointing to my name on his list. He smiled at me again, and if his eyes weren't pulling me up to him, I would have collapsed at his feet. "It's nice to meet you," He smiled.

"And you," I mumbled. I heard someone clearing their throat next to me. Jasper. Crap.

"And who might you be?" Professor Cullen asked Jasper, his eyes only leaving my face at the last moment.

"I'm Jasper," Jasper smiled. Thank god he was with me, giving me a chance to recover slightly.

"It's a pleasure," Professor Cullen stated, before shaking his hand firmly, almost as if he was jealous. As if he was trying to prove himself to me. No. I must be imagining things. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.

"I should probably go now," I mumbled. What was wrong with me!!!!!! "You probably have lots more students to meet."

"Actually, you're the last one tonight," he smiled the crooked half smile again. This time I had to grab on to Jasper for support.

"Oh, okay," I muttered, not sure I could form full, coherent sentences at this time.

"Bella, I'm gonna go and see Alice," Jasper told me. I looked over to where Alice was standing, waving frantically at us. I tried to smile at her before turning to Jasper again.

"Okay," I replied. "Have fun," I smiled. "Oh, and Jazz," I called.

"Yeah," he stopped, looking back at me.

"Ask her to dance, would you?" I smiled.

"Sure," he said. Walking back to kiss my cheek.

"Dance with him if he asks you," He whispered in my ear before running off toward Alice. My cheeks invented a new shade of red.

"Uh…sorry…about that," I forced a smile. He was still watching me intently. He had barely taken his eyes off me.

"It's fine," He smiled. Again.

"Okay," I said before we slipped into a few moments of awkward silence.

"Bella? Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?" Oh crap! Dance. With him? Why? Because I haven't made enough of a fool of myself already?!

"Umm…"

"That is, if your boyfriend doesn't mind," he added reluctantly. I just shook my head.

"Is that a yes?" he asked. I nodded. He took my hand and lead me to the dance floor. We were one of the few couples dancing.

"I can't dance," I warned him before it was too late.

"I don't believe you," he smiled. Lucky he was holding me, or I would be at his feet now.

"I'm serious," I laughed. "last time I tried to dance, the guy ended up in hospital."

"Did he know how to dance?"

"Umm…I don't know." I laughed.

"Well. You will soon learn that dancing," he spun me around, before I was back in his arms. "Is all in the leading," he finished, his warm breath feeling like a fire trail on my face. I just nodded, incapable to do anything else. All too soon, the song was finished and Professor Cullen loosened his grip on me. I felt the loss of warmth where his hand was previously resting on the small of my back straight away. But he didn't let go of my hand he was holding.

"Thank you, Professor Cullen," I smiled.

"It was my pleasure, Bella." I smiled again. "And please, call me Edward." he smiled down to me, his eyes searching my face. "At least at events like these."

"Okay. Thank you," I said, but he was still holding my hand. I looked at our joint hands, that fitted perfectly together.

"Edward?" an angelic voice called. His head shot up and I followed his gaze to a tall, leggy, beautiful blonde. Of course he wasn't single. Then I saw my brother right behind her.

"Emmett?" I asked, shocked.

"Bella. This is Rosalie Cullen. She's the girl I was telling you about yesterday."

"Oh," I said as a relieved sigh left my body. "It's nice to meet you," I said shaking the beautiful woman's hand. She was wearing a scarlet coloured dress that showed off her entire back, and even most of her side. She looked like an underwear model.

"And you," she replied, appearing disinterested.

"Rose," I heard Edward hiss under his breath. I couldn't get over how beautiful Rosalie was. And you could tell just by looking at the two of them that they were related.

"I like your dress," she complimented me.

"Thanks," I smiled at her. So maybe the dress wasn't so bad if a Victoria's Secret model liked it. The moment grew awkward yet again, and I found my eyes searching the room. I saw Alice and Jasper dancing very close together. I smiled to myself when I saw Jasper collect Alice's lips in a sweet, loving kiss.

"Well, I think I should get going now," I said.

"I'll drive you," Emmett offered.

"You don't have to do that," I told him. "Stay here and have fun."

"I could drive you," I heard the velvet voice again.

"No, I couldn't ask you to. I'll just hail a cab," my head said. My heart was saying differently. I wondered which would win.

"No, I was planning on leaving now anyway. I could drop you on the way," he smiled.

"You don't even know where I live," I laughed. "How could you know I was on the way."

"I do know where you live. I'm your professor, remember? I have all your details," he smiled.

"O…k. That's a little…creepy," I giggled. What was wrong with me, giggling like a 15 year old.

"Yep," he smirked. "So, will you let me drive you?" He pleaded.

"I suppose," I smiled. "I'll just say by to Alice and Jasper and grab my things."

I headed off toward the happy couple and told them I was heading off. I wasn't sure if they even heard a word of what I said, but I didn't mind. I was so happy for them. I grabbed my purse off the table and headed over to where Edward, Emmett and Rosalie were standing. Emmett and Rosalie having eye sex with each other, and Edward watching me with a look of want; of desire, in his eyes. I suddenly felt self-conscious. Did I really look that bad that he couldn't believe it and had to keep looking? Probably, I told myself. I walked over to him, looking at my feet.

"Ready?" he asked me

"Yes," I smiled in spite of myself. We made our way outside and he handed the valet his ticket, and a minute later an Aston Martin Vanquish pulled up at our feet. I looked from Edward to the car and back again several times.

"This is your car?" I asked him. He nodded.

"My special occasions car," He smiled.

"You have more than one car?" I asked, the shock clear in my voice and face. I knew I shouldn't be acting like this in front of the man who would become my mentor this year, but I couldn't help myself. I was way past saving myself. He just chuckled.

"Silly Bella," was all he said before opening my door and helping me into the car. A couple of seconds later, he was in the car next to me, and the ignition was being turned on.

"Okay?" he asked, noticing the red in my cheeks.

"Yeah," I smiled encouragingly at him. And then we were off. I swear Edward could have been related to Alice. They were both beautiful, had a love of ridiculously over-priced cars, and drove the same.

"Did you go to the same driving school as my best friend?" I asked him with a laugh.

"I didn't go to a driving school," he laughed. I looked at him confused. "My dad, Carlisle, taught me everything I know," he smiled, the pride coming into his voice. After that a few moments of comfortable silence passed.

"Tell me about yourself?" he asked me finally.

"Are you asking as my teacher, my mentor, or my…friend?" was it too soon to assume friendship with this god?

Okay, that's it for the first chapter, guys. I hope you enjoyed it. The links to the gowns that Bella, Alice and Rosalie wore can be found on my profile.

**Love it or hate it? Please, please let me know?! It really makes my day when I know someone is enjoying my writing. Even something like "good" or anything is inspiration to me. So please please review…even if it's the worst thing you've ever read. Please let me know what I need to improve, and what you really liked. Ok…I've finished rambling now. Just click that little green button at the bottom of the page. You know you want to. =D**

**Xoxo**

**Keet =)**


	3. It's A First Kiss, It's Flawless

**Thanks heaps to everyone who reviewed!! It helped get this chapter up now… xD **

As we pulled up to my Apartment, I had just finished telling Edward about my parents. I had to admit, he was a great listener. I smiled to myself at that. Finding a guy who listened was of high importance to me. Wait. Hold on a second. Edward is my _professor._ My mentor. Not my boyfriend. Will never _ever_ be my boyfriend. What was wrong with me?

"Would you tell me what you're thinking?" he smiled, dazzling me again.

"Nothing," I smiled.

"You know, in the short time that I've known you, I've realised three things," he started.

"And…" I said, urging him to continue. What did he think of me?

"One is that you have a love; an adoration of every person close to you. You are the sort of person who's world could be crashing down at your feet, and you will still be sympathetic toward a colleague you barely speak to. Two, is that you're very bad at lying," I blushed.

"And three?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me.

"Three is that you are beautiful," he paused, and I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off before I could. "But you don't see it, do you?" I shook my head. "Why is that?" he asked sincerely.

"I'm just a small town girl. My eyes are dull and brown, my hair is lifeless and plain. My skin is sickly pale and I'm just all over, ordinary," I told him truthfully. He shook his head in disbelief.

"You are beautiful," he barely whispered, his hot breath sending goose bumps through my body.

"Don't you think this is a little…inappropriate, Professor?" I asked, completely against my will. But I didn't want things to go too far. I didn't want him to regret anything.

"You know, I'm not your professor until Monday," he told me. I shivered involuntarily. I realised that my body had automatically leaned closer to him. Our lips were only inches apart now. I parted my lips in anticipation. My half closed eyes stared into his perfect emerald orbs. I pulled away slightly. I wanted to kiss those perfect lips with every fibre of my being, but the more logical part of my brain reminded me that in just 36 hours, this would be against the rules. Before I could ponder this anymore, Edward's lips lightly brushed against mine. My breath caught and I had to remind myself to breath before I fainted from lack of oxygen. Not to mention ruining this perfect moment in the mean time. Edward must have seen my surprise as hesitation, because guilt flashed across his face.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Bell-" he was cut short of his unnecessary, completely illogical apologies when I got a burst of confidence and crashed my lips to his with all the force I could possibly muster. He immediately kissed me back, and the world disappeared. It was just me and him, him and I in this too good to be true moment. I felt him run his tongue along my lower lip, begging for entrance. I obliged immediately. I felt his tongue as he gently and slowly explored the inside of my mouth, his tongue discovering every small millimetre. I involuntarily let out a low moan, before taking his bottom lip into my mouth and sucking on it as seductively as I could manage. I nibbled on it a little, before my tongue explored the inside crevasses of his perfect mouth. In that moment, I knew it felt like home. All to soon, I felt my head begin to spin. I was in desperate need of oxygen. Edward pulled away first, breaking the single most amazing kiss I had ever experienced. I gasped as much oxygen as I could into my aching lungs, while my mind tried to recover. As soon as I was sure I could manage to get myself out of the car, and up the 7 steps to the front door of my apartment, that's exactly what I did. I didn't dare turn back to the world's most perfect man whom I had just _kissed._ I rushed to the elevator and hit the up button. I needed alice. And I needed her now!

///

"Bella?" Alice's worried voice called through my dark apartment.

"In here, Alice," I called to her from my bedroom. Less than a second later, Alice had barged into my room. I swear she moved at superhero speed when she wanted to.

"What's up?" she asked, her worried tone relaxing only a little when she saw I was safe.

"Umm…" I mumbled, trying to avoid eye contact with the pixie.

"Bella," she warned me. "Spill it! You interrupted Jasper and I -"

"Okay. Stop there," as happy as I was that they had finally got together, I did _not_ want to know what they were doing.

"Well?" she tapped her foot impatiently while her hands rested threateningly on her small hips.

"I met my professor," I stated dumbly.

"Yes. That _was_ the point of the evening, Bella," she told me like I was a small child.

"He drove me home tonight," I continued, but paused again.

"Uh huh," she said, still waiting for me to continue.

"And then we…_kissed_," I muttered. This got her attention.

"You _what?!_" she demanded.

"We kissed," I said, a little stronger this time.

"And why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Because, if you haven't already noticed, he is my _professor_."

"And?" clearly she did _not_ get what I was saying.

"Alice. It's against the rules. Plus he's my mentor. I can't get romantically involved. You remember the oath I made myself, don't you?"

"Well, yeah," she said. "But -"

"No, Alice. It's not going to happen. So whatever you're thinking about plotting isn't going to work."

"Well, in that case, can you share the details. I mean…what does he look like?"

I fidgeted nervously before answering her. "He's tall, handsome and hot as hell."

"What was kissing him like?"

"Only the single most amazing thing I have _ever_ experienced," I told her honestly. That seemed to make her smile even _more_, if that was at all possible. Alice loved it when we talked girl, because most of the time I just shut her off before she asked any questions that I didn't want to answer. We went on like that for another few hours, before Alice got a message from Jasper and she had to go.

"Have fun," I smiled and waved.

"Oh, I _will_," she said, rasing her eyebrows suggestively.

"Bad, _bad _images, Alice!" I yelled at her before I heard my door click shut.

///

Sunday passed without any major changes to my life. I just kept replaying the way Edward's lips felt against mine, and the way his tongue caressed the inside of my mouth like it was about to shatter if he was any rougher. My lips still tingled from his touch, and my mind was racing at the implications of the kiss. I knew it wasn't allowed and I knew that we couldn't _be_ anything, but still, I wondered what it meant. All too soon, I was thinking of myself in an apron, two gorgeous children with amazing green eyes calling 'mummy', and a sex-god husband named Edward. Moments later I was questioning my sanity. The rest of my Sunday went the same as that, and finally it was Monday morning. My first day at college. My first day of Edward - Professor Cullen - as my mentor.

**Hey guys. I hoped you like this update. It didn't go as I originally planned, but after asking a few friends of there opinion, I went with the winning option. The winner was that Edward and Bella kissed. I was going to wait until later on, but thought better of it. This way the kiss they shared will drive them both insane for more. *evil laugh* lol…anyway…****Please please please review. I don't care what about I just love getting them!** **I literally go on my review page like 10 times a day to see if I have got anymore reviews and I always get really excited when there's more. xD… also, reviews make inspiration. Generally, the more reviews I get, the longer the chapters and the quicker the updates…so…REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! Please?! xD **

**Xoxo **

**Keet =) **


	4. I'd Give It All Up To Be A Part Of You

I walked nervously into my next lecture. I had gigantic butterflies in my stomach. I looked up around the large lecture hall that students had started filing into, desperate to see my _professor._ A big chunk of doubt started to rise in my chest. _It had all been a dream, _I thought, until the perfect, god-like figure appeared from behind his table. Our eyes locked for a moment, and I could've got lost in his liquid emerald eyes forever more, but he smiled at me before returning his attention to the projector screen. I thanked him silently for that. I took a seat next to my new friend, Angela Webber. We had met in our last lecture. I really did like her. She seemed kind, generous and caring.

"Alright everyone," I heard Edward say, and everyone halted their conversations and turned to listen to him. He smiled gratefully at the class before he began. "My name is Edward Cullen. You can call me any of the following," he paused for a moment, looking around the class. "Professor Cullen," he held up his index finger. "Edward," he held up another finger. "Or Cullen," he held up a third finger and smiled brightly. _What was wrong with this man? Did he know that my heart beat at three times it's normal speed when he smiled like that?_ "I will not, however, accept Eddie, Ed, Sir, or Mr Cullen. I'm not my old man," he smiled, and a few people laughed. I was too busy concentrating on how to breathe. "I had the pleasure of meeting a few of you at the ball on Saturday night. It's great to see you again," he smiled, and his eyes quickly glanced over my face. I looked down shyly. "For the rest of you, hello, and, well, good luck, I guess," he smiled – again- and I was positive everyone could hear my frantic heart now.

"Bella, are you okay?" I heard Angela ask me. I just nodded, not trusting my voice. "You don't look so good. You're…turning…blue!" she exclaimed. Oh. Right. Oxygen. Breathe. I sucked in a shaky breath.

"I'm fine. Just…thought I left the oven on," I managed, somehow, and added a fake smile on to the end of it. She didn't look like she believed me, but she let it drop anyway. I was thankful for that. I didn't want to have to explain to my new friend that professor, turns my legs to jelly, almost gives me a heart attack, makes me forget how to breathe, and is able to form a dripping wet spot on my panties, just by smiling. And _I_ thought some of the characters in Jane Austen's novels were sad excuses for women. When I zoned back in, Edward – Professor Cullen – was starting to go through the syllabus on the projection screen, and I found myself staring at his perfect pink lips as they moved perfectly to form each word. _That's not all they're perfect at doing, _I thought, and found a fresh blush creeping onto my cheeks.

**EPOV**

All of Sunday, the only thing going through my mind was the most amazing kiss I had ever experienced. The kiss that I shared with _one of my students_. I groaned. _Student. Against the school rules and policies._ I kept reciting those small facts, but my heart didn't care. Wait! My _heart?_ What was that about? I shared one kiss with the girl – the most beautiful, down-to-earth girl – and now I'm thinking about my gooey inside feelings. I groaned again. Today was going to be a _very_ long day. I shook my head, trying to rid the intruding thoughts, but all I ridded was any scraps of my sanity that still lingered in my mind. My mind wandered to the way her lips melded perfectly into mine, and the way her touch sent electric currents raging through me. _Why_ _would shaking my head clear my thoughts?_ I criticized myself. Watching Saw II last night hadn't even helped. I decided that thinking about _her_ was forbidden. So I went about the rest of my very _long_ day thinking about not thinking about her. I promised myself that by Monday afternoon, when I had her class, I would have forgotten all about her. Easier said than done.

///

My first lecture had gone well. I had a small lunch break and then it was time for my next lecture. _Her_ lecture. I watched closely as my students entered the room in small groups. A few more students walked in and took a seat. _What if _she_ didn't show?_ _What if _I_ had scared her off?_ I retreated under the desk to connect my laptop to the projection screen, my thoughts getting the best of me, once again. When I stood again, there she was. She was breathtaking. Our eyes locked and I gave her a soft smile before breaking the gaze. I could have stood there for hours staring into those big, brown, wondrous eyes, but I wanted to ensure that nobody picked up on our silent 'meeting' I went on with my lecture, telling my students what I expected, and what we would be learning. My eyes, every so often would make their way over to Bella, and I found that I would lose my train of thought. Luckily I had written everything out that I needed to say, or there would have been trouble. At one stage in my lecture, I heard the sweet, quiet girl next to her ask her a question. I heard a hint of panic in her voice, and my eyes immediately shot to Bella. Her face was going blue. Was she choking? My heart stopped for a few moments. Then I saw her chest inflate again, and my heart picked up pace, and I let out a long sigh of relief. Soon after, she returned to her normal beautiful colour. The rest of the lecture passed quickly, and before I knew it, my students were exiting my class. Bella was still clearing off her table, and I was watching her intently. I needed to talk to her, I decided. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder, bringing me out of my reverie. I jumped and spun around to face a short, stout looking girl who's face was layered in make-up. She smiled at me.

"Hi," she said as she held out her hand. Her nails were long and horrible. They looked like hooks. I was almost frightened to take her hand. "I'm Jessica," she smiled at me again.

"Nice to meet you," I told her, releasing her hand as quickly as I took it. She looked disappointed.

"So, I was wondering…" she started, and I could tell where she was going to go. I looked at her, giving her a disapproving look, but she continued anyway. "Do you wanna get some dinner sometime?" she smiled again. I shook my head, disbelievingly. Was she serious?

"I'm sorry Jessica, but that is against the rules," I told her as politely as I could.

"Oh, Come on! No one would ever find out," she persisted.

"There's someone else," I told her, begging her to be quiet. She looked defeated after that.

"Oh, ok," she said before turning and exiting the room. My eyes went straight back to where they last saw Bella. She was still there, staring at me, her mouth gaping open, before she readjusted herself and gave me a small weak smile. She turned to exit the room. I realised then that she and I were the only two people left in here.

"Bella!" I called to her before she made her way up the stairs.

**BPOV**

Angela had to rush off, so I told her not to wait for me. I wanted to speak to Edward anyway. I could feel his eyes on me as I packed my things away, but I didn't dare look up. Then I heard him speaking to a girl I knew as Jessica. He looked pained as she continued to explain something to him. I couldn't hear exactly what they were talking about, but then I heard Edward speak. _"There's someone else."_ An all consuming rage filled me. I had been a prop to him. I had been an accomplice in his cheating. I could not believe it. This man that had consumed my every thought since Saturday night had used me to cheat on someone. I stared at him, wide-eyed and gaping mouthed. He sent the annoying girl on her way, and turned back to look at me. I readjusted myself, and gave him a weak smile before I gathered my bags and took off toward the stairs.

"Bella!" I heard him call me. My head was telling my feet to move, but they were planted to the ground below me, and they were refusing to shift. I groaned inwardly.

"Bella," he called again, and I could here his foot steps behind me. I suddenly had a burst of courage.

"What?" I whirled around and came face to face with this god-like man. He looked dejected. _Good,_ I thought.

"I just wanted to…discuss…" he trailed off.

"No. I cannot believe this."

"Believe what?" he looked offended now.

"You used me. I helped you to cheat on someone?" I accused him, my finger pointing toward him.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" he looked honestly confused.

"You just said that there was…someone…else," I stopped talking when I realised who the _someone else _was.

"Me?" I asked him, disbelievingly. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. God, he looked sexy as hell.

"Yes." He replied shortly. He seemed embarrassed. I smiled at him. So I wasn't the only one still reeling from that electric kiss then?

"Seriously?!" I asked him again. He just nodded and looked deep into my eyes.

"I thought I was the only stupid one."

"No, you're not stupid, Bella."

"How can one small kiss leave me feeling like this?" I questioned him.

"I have been wondering the same thing since it happened," he admitted. My heart jumped 10 feet in the air, and then landed with a _thud_ back in my chest. I had to remind myself to breathe again.

"Really?" _Why was I questioning everything he said? Oh yeah, that's right, because this stuff doesn't happen to me_. _Ever._

"Yes, silly Bella."

I found myself leaning toward him, my lips slightly parted in anticipation. It was then that I remembered that we were in a lecture hall, with the door open, and this was against the rules. I jerked away, and his eyes searched my face in confusion.

"This is against the rules!" I told him, taking another step away from him.

"So?" he asked me, looking up at me through his eyelashes. _Was he doing this on purpose?_ I threw my hands up in frustration.

"So? _So?_ You could lose your job. _I _could lose my scholarship! This _thing_ between us, it can _not_ happen. You know that and I know that." I told him sternly. My heart broke a little more with every word. I looked up to see his face. His expression was pained. Nothing else. Just pain. He knew I was right, I could see that in his eyes. I wanted to take him and kiss him until all the pain was gone. But I couldn't. I knew I couldn't. So I turned and ran out of the lecture room without looking back.

**So, I know I really really really suck! School started, and I've been completely flat out. It's my final year, and it's insane! I'm insane for doing it. But I still am! Ok...Confusing! Sorry! Ok...So I hope you like the update (if any of you have stuck around to read it, that is) and please review. Every spare moment I got from no homework, I was coming to and re-reading all my reviews, and then writing more story, little piece by little piece. It's what got this story up now. So please please please review if you want more story... =] also, I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. (SORRRRRRRYYYYYYY) I will try, as always, and get it up ASAP! but I don't know when ASAP is going to be, so please be patient. If not, leave me millions of reviews saying how sucky I am coz I don't update, and it might push me even more...(just a suggestion if you want an update and it's not happening! =P) Okay! So, I hope you enjoyed that! **

**xoxo  
Keet =]**


	5. I Cant Help It If You Look Like An Angel

**Disclaimer: If I were Stephenie Meyer, I would have met Rob and asked him to marry me, but I haven't. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not Stephenie Meyer and I don't own anything. Sad for me, I know!**

**BPOV**

The next couple of weeks passed as they should – almost. There were many stolen glances – from my side anyway. I had never wanted someone as much as I wanted Edward. Not even Mike, my High School Crush has ever affected me this badly. Sure, Edward stole my first kiss, and looks like someone to be worshipped, but I hardly knew him. He knew a lot about me, I realised, but I knew little about him. My classes were going well – except for one. I had failed my first assessment in Edward's class, because I got too distracted by him. He had offered me tutoring a week or so ago, but I turned him down. I have been wondering why ever since – but then I remind myself that if he was my tutor, I still wouldn't learn anything.

"Bella?" I heard Alice's exasperated voice.

"Hmm," I said, still reeling in all my thoughts.

"I said 'what are you thinking about?'"

"Oh, nothing," I lied.

"Uh huh," she rolled her eyes.

"Shut up!" I told her jokingly as a pink blush crept to my cheeks.

**EPOV**

The next two weeks were extremely hard for my sanity. Having Bella Swan in my lecture hall everyday was driving me crazy. Her carefree laugh, her deep, wondrous brown eyes, her mahogany flowing, wavy hair. Everything about her was driving me further and further toward insanity. I forbade myself from looking at her lips, because all that did was bring back memories of our searing kiss, and make it ten times harder to concentrate on what I was talking about. I was surprised that no one had caught me out on my longing stares in her direction when I set the class to work. I would just sit and stare at her until my attention was grasped by a student asking a question. I would sometimes catch her shooting glances at me, but most of the time I convinced myself it was my imagination. Rosalie had been telling me about Emmett, and I tried to grasp any information I could about Bella without making it too obvious. I was in deep and troubled water, and I was drowning.

**BPOV**

"What were you thinking about?" she asked again. I knew she wasn't going to let it drop, so I decided to save any part of my sanity that still remained.

"Edward," I stated, embarrassed.

"Bella, you really should talk to him," Alice told me.

"Alice," I groaned in frustration. "I can't even think when I'm near him. I lose my mind. I get lost in his emerald eyes. His hair is just begging me to run my fingers through it. _And_ I don't know how long I would be able to hold onto my self control when I'm with him," I told her. She smiled evilly at me.

"I think someone's in love," she said in a song-song voice.

"Alice," I groaned in frustration. "I don't love him. I'm just…highly attracted to him," but saying it sounded like a lie. And I didn't like that fact.

"Whatever. Listen, I have to cancel tonight. I've got a date with Jasper. I'll see you later, Bella," Alice told me. "Oh, and _you_ need to make up your mind about where you stand," she told me, and I knew exactly what she was talking about. I had been telling myself the same thing for the last 2 weeks. So I walked aimlessly across campus to my car, thinking about my dilemma – Edward – and what I was going to do about it. I decided that I'd grow up and stop being silly. There was no way the relationship could exist beyond teacher/student, and I couldn't change that. I kept repeating it to myself, over and over, but every time it shattered my heart into smaller and smaller pieces. I continued to stumble across campus toward parking lot 'Q' where I had parked my old Chevy truck that morning. I had my iPod in my ears and I was not watching where I was going when I walked into something solid. I fell toward the ground, waiting for the painful impact, but it didn't come. I looked up into the most amazing green eyes I had ever seen. _Edward, _my mind sighed. I gasped audibly at the closeness of our faces. He stood me upright and I immediately missed the warmth of his embrace.

"H-hi," I stuttered, breathless.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked me sweetly.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Day to day routine, you know?" I attempted a laugh, but it came out sounding like a dying cat. I looked down at my feet, allowing my hair to cover my face as a crimson colour made its way to my cheeks. I heard him chuckle, and looked up through my lashes and hair to see his beautiful, perfect face.

"I guess I better get going?" I _asked_, stupidly.

"Yeah, me too," was it just me, or did he look disappointed?

"Okay. Bye. I'll see you tomorrow," I sighed as I turned and began to remind myself of how to walk. _One foot after the other, Bella,_ I told myself.

"Oh, Bella?" I heard a beautiful velvet voice call to me. I spun around on my heel and almost collided with Edward, who was now standing less than 10 millimetres from me. I drew in a shaky breath before looking into his eyes.

"Yeah?" I asked him, trying to sound normal.

"Uh…have you given any more thought to me tutoring you?" he stammered.

"Oh, umm…" I paused. I had. Every second of every day. Well…I had thought of the _him and me_ part, anyway.

"It's ok. You don't have to," he quickly added after my hesitation.

"Oh, no. I would love that…I'd love it if you'd help me." I smiled to him.

"Really?" he looked delighted.

"Of course. You're my lecturer, and I could use all the help I can get," although it was true, it still hurt, reminding myself that we were in a student/teacher relationship and that's all it would ever be.

"Great," he smiled. _Guh! This man and that damn crooked smile!_ I cursed him mentally. "Are you free tonight?" he asked me, a sliver of hope in his voice.

"Uh, tonight?" I was shocked. I thought we would just be on the college grounds during college hours. I found myself questioning what it meant.

"Yes," he smiled, _again._ Did he know what that smile did to me? Did he know what _he_ did to me?

"Yeah, that's fine. My plans just got cancelled, so tonight is great. You can help me on my next assignment," I joked.

"Of course," he nodded his head seriously, then smiled. Soon I was going to need to hold onto something for support. I realised then that we were still in extremely close proximity to each other, and I took a step backward.

"Where are we going?" I asked him.

"I was going to pick you up from your apartment. If that's ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, that's great. I'll see you then," I told him, happiness spilling out of me. I was going on a date with Edward. Well…it' was more a tutor lesson, but I didn't care. It was going to be me and Edward, Edward and I. Alone. At night time. I grinned like a 5 year old on a sugar high all the way to my truck. On the way home, I called Alice and told her of my new plans.

"Bella?" I heard her say.

"Alice!" I squealed. I knew Alice would have been proud of that squeal.

"Gosh, Bella. What is it?" she asked.

"Edward and I are going out tonight!" I squealed.

"What? Wait! Hold on! What?!?!?" she screeched.

"Well…sort of. He's tutoring me. Tonight. And picking me up from my apartment."

"Bella! This is a _date!_ I don't care what he says or what you say. It's a date! And I'm coming over to help you get ready."

"But Ali-," I started but was cut off.

"Don't 'but Alice' me. I'm on my way out the door now. I'll see you soon."

"But Alice," I started.

"Nope," she cut me off again. I gave up. She'd find out in a few moments that I wasn't home yet. She had a key. I hung up the phone, defeated and excited. Weird combination. I couldn't control my urge to scream any more. I screamed and jumped up and down in my seat as I pulled to a stop at the traffic lights. I got a few weird looks, but I didn't care. 8 minutes later I pulled up to my apartment, with Alice's Porsche parked out the front.

**AN: Hey guys. I apologize for the wait again, but I worked on this all day at school today so as I could put it up tonight. Keeping you guys happy is better than anything I learn in Maths and English anyway. =P  
I know that I suck badly at updating regularly, but reviews are like diamonds – a girl's best friend! =P so please please please please please review. Tell me whatever you want to. I don't care! Lol…I just love reviews.  
****Hi, my names Keet, and I'm a review-a-holic…and the only help I can get is that my readers will review my story! So please please **_**help**_** me! =P lol  
Oh, and I'm supposed to thank my cousin for her help in the ideas in last chapter, because she helped me get it up for you guys when I did! So thanks Danielle! 3  
Love to all my readers and reviewers! I am coming to the end of this very very repulsively long authors note.  
Not sure when I'll be able to update again, though, sorry guys! =[ I'll do it ASAP, and the more reviews I get, the quicker ASAP will be!  
**

**Xoxo  
**

**Keet =]**


	6. I Heart ? Written On The Back Of My Hand

I trudged slowly up to my apartment, knowing what was awaiting me. Alice and her bag(s) of hell. I groaned loudly as I reached the door and turned the lock. I timidly pushed the door open.

"Alice," I called.

"In here, Bella," I heard her call back. I followed the sound of her voice and found myself in the room that _used_ to be my bedroom.

"Alice," I said very slowly, cautiously. "What have you done to my bedroom?"

"Nothing," she smiled innocently at me.

"This doesn't look like nothing," I told her, walking into the room and dumping my bags on the chair in the corner.

"I promise it will look good as new when we've finished," she smiled at me sweetly.

"It better," I mumbled to myself. Alice had already done her hair and make up for her date with Jasper. How could she do it so quickly on herself, and then take so long on me? I wondered. Then it occurred to me. I didn't look anything like Alice. Alice was beautiful and perfect and gorgeous, and I was plain old Bella. Alice must've noticed the change in my facial expression because when I looked at her she had a confused, concerned look on her face.

"Bella? What on earth are you thinking about?" Alice asked me as she curled a few strands of my hair.

"Just the fact that you have to spend so much more time to make me look acceptable, because I'm so plain," I told her. "Ouch!" I yelled as Alice's hand came in contact with the back of my head. "What was that for?" I asked her.

"You really don't see yourself clearly. I am sick of it, Bella. You're beautiful. If you would just look at yourself, you would see it. And it's also a well known fact that it takes a lot more time to do someone else's hair and make up than your own. I don't know why it is, it just is, so don't ask questions, and stop thinking you're plain, because you're not," Alice finished her rant and I just shut up and closed my eyes to rest. Every so often I would hear Alice murmur "unbelievable," or "_plain_?." An hour and 8 minutes later, I had my hair done and my make up on, thanks to Alice, and my bedroom returned to a bedroom, thanks to me. She had to leave now, because Jasper was picking her up in 15 minutes, and she still needed to get dressed.

"Thanks Alice," I called to her.

"Yeah, yeah. You love me and all of that," she joked.

"Ha-ha! Don't assume things," I said. "Have a good time. I wanna hear all about it," I told her as we reached the front door.

"And the same to you." And with that I went to my room and found the bag with what I was supposed to be wearing tonight. Before picking it up to have a look what my shopaholic best friend had bought me, I prayed silently to god that it was wearable and respectable and not too over the top, I mean, it was only a tutoring, nothing more. _Sadly,_ I thought to myself. I opened the bag to find a brown scoop neck top and some nice jeans, and some cute blue ballet flats. **(Links On Profile)**

"Thank you, Alice," I mumbled to the air. I dressed into the clothes very cautiously, making very sure that it didn't mess my hair up, or get make up stains on it. 14 minutes later, I was ready to go, and Edward would be here any moment. My heart was beating erratically as I tried to remind myself of how to breathe and how to remain calm. Then, a moment later, my buzzer rang. I gulped back the lump in my throat. Edward Cullen was standing outside my building's door, waiting for _me_. Plain old Bella.

_Stop being so silly Bella. He's just here to tutor you so as you can get better marks in his class._ The annoying part of my brain said.

_Yeah. On a Friday night, off campus and he's picking you up? I don't think this is just a tutoring._ The better side of my brain countered.

"Just buzz him up, Bella," I mumbled to myself. I walked to the phone and took it off the hook.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver.

"Bella," I heard a beautiful voice say into the receiver.

"Oh, hey," I said "How are you going?" I asked, trying to play it cool.

"I'm great."

"Good," I smiled as I buzzed him up. "I'm apartment 14C," I said before I placed the handset in it's rightful place. A few minutes later I heard a knock at my door, and grabbed my purse and books on the way to answer it.

"Hey," I smiled to the god on my doorstep.

"Hey," he replied.

"So, should we get going?" I asked him after a few moments of just staring at each other.

"Yes. I have reservations for 7:30." I closed the door behind me and followed him toward the elevator, where he'd already pushed the 'down button'. I found myself on the verge of shaking.

_Calm down Bella,_ I told myself.

"Breathe, just breathe," I whispered to myself.

"What?" he asked me.

"Oh, nothing," I smiled. He looked at me and I could tell that he'd heard me.

_Dammit! _I cursed my own stupid brain. _Why was I even stressing? It wasn't a date. He was helping me on an assignment, because I'm so hopelessly in love with him that I couldn't concentrate for long enough to get a passing mark on my last assignment._ _Wait! What? Love?_ I shook my head clear of all thoughts.

"Are you okay?" Edward leaned in and whispered in my ear in the crowded elevator. I shuddered at the hotness of his breath and the closeness of him.

"I-I'm fine," I smiled.

"Okay," he said before the elevator doors dinged, announcing we were at the ground floor now. We stepped out of the elevator and me, being me, tripped on the millimetre difference between the elevator and the lobby floor. I was waiting to hit the ground, but was doubly shocked when 2 strong hands grabbed my waist and set me upright again. I gasped involuntarily at the sudden comfort of them on my waist.

"Are you okay?" he whispered into my ear, his hands still firmly on my waist. I gulped and nodded. His lips brushed my ear softly before he pulled away and I forgot how to breathe, and how to walk. "Can I please carry your books for you," I heard him ask, while I was still recovering.

"Okay," I smiled, sure that that was all I would be able to say coherently. I felt him remove his hands from my waist, and I immediately felt the loss of contact. Then I felt the contact his hand made with the small of my back, and I couldn't think of anything but. He led me outside to where his car was parked. Tonight it was a silver Volvo. He opened my door for me and helped me into the car, before making his way around to his side of the car and pulling out onto the road. The car ride there was filled with small talk and chatter of major and general things about each of us. _Much like a first date,_ my mind screamed, while I screamed _shut up!_ back at it.

We sat across the table from one another in the quiet dimly lit corner of the crowded and noisy restaurant, and I couldn't help but think how romantic it all was.

**EPOV**

"So am I right if I say that this undeniable attraction I feel for you, is mutual?" Bella just nodded her head. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that beautiful smile that she only used when the delightful blush crept onto her cheeks.

"Please tell me what you're thinking?" I requested of this angel.

"No," she giggled.

"Please?" I asked again, this time my eyes pleaded with her, too.

"I was just thinking…I thought I was the only one that felt that way. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. At all," she added, before a darker, more beautiful blush made it's way to her cheeks. "I'm sorry. You didn't need to know that," she apologised.

"Don't apologise," I told her with a smile, before I unthinkingly lifted my finger to her lips. I felt an electric shock run from my finger throughout my body. I felt bella jump back a little. Did she feel it too? She looked up at me, eyes wide, before a small smile crept to her lips. I smiled admiringly back at her. This was beauty in it's purest, and yet most concentrated form. My eyes wandered from hers and I noticed that I was now staring longingly at her luscious lips.

"I-I'm sorry," I managed, after forcing myself to look away.

"Don't be," she smiled as she grabbed my hand gently, and the electric current started flowing along. "I don't mind," she smiled and the blush darkened on her perfect cheeks. "I could even say I liked it."

"It's just so easy to be myself around you," I told her honestly.

"That isn't a bed thing, you know?" she offered. I smiled gratefully at her. She was sitting across from me in the quiet corner of the restaurant we were in, and it felt right. It felt better than right. It felt good. And that thought scared me.

"So, this essay?" she started after a few moments of comfortably awkward silence. **(AN – don't ask me how that works, it just does) **

"Uh…yeah," I said, being reminded of why she was really here with me.

"Study and explore the representation of gender in Jane Austen's _Pride and Prejudice_," she started reading the essay question to me. I smiled at her.

"Have you finished reading the book yet?" I asked her. She burst out laughing and I found myself falling in love with the sound, but I was confused as to why she was laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked her, chuckling along. Her happiness was my happiness.

"Nothing," she giggled. She stopped herself and tried again. "Nothing," she said again, serious this time.

"Please tell me?"

"It's just silly."

"I would love to know," I told her, nothing but honestly in my voice.

"I've read the novel countless times. I first read it when I was thirteen, and it's one of my favourites," she told me, completely sober now.

"You're a Jane Austen fan?" I asked her, surprised, but ecstatic.

"Definitely," she smiled. "And you?"

"Indeed. Have you read any of the Charles Dickens greats?" I asked her, curiosity getting the best of me.

**BPOV**

"I have. My favourite is _Tale of Two Cities_," I smiled.

"Seriously?" he asked, his voice showing his disbelievment. "It was the best of times…" I heard him murmur.

"It was the worst of times," I finished for him. "I take it you like that one too?"

"My favourite," I couldn't believe that Edward Cullen loved the same books that I adored. Edward, the man of my dreams.

"What's your favourite text ever written?" he asked me.

"Wuthering Heights," I answered straight away.

"Marry me?"

_Certainly! _I blushed at my automatic thought.

"You're beautiful," Edward told me. I blushed a deeper red than I already was, and wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

"I think you have us mixed up," I told him truthfully. "You're the beautiful one."

**EPOV**

I sat there across the table from this angel, gaping and wide eyed. I was not beautiful, and yet; she was denying her own magnificence.

Even though I was repeatedly reminding myself that this was not a date, unfortunately, I couldn't help but ask Bella all about her personal life, and I couldn't help but notice how it was all more than a little romantic. The dimly lit booth in the quiet corner of the fancy Italian restaurant, the candle lit glow, that was radiating from the centre of the table as we ate our dinner – mushroom ravioli. Dinner conversation flowed comfortably as I learnt more about this beauty. We sat and talked until we got kicked out of the restaurant because the owners wanted to go home, but we still hadn't worked at all on her assignment.

"Would you like to work on it together at my place?" I asked her politely, considering that was the reason of our date. To be honest, I didn't know if I would be able to control myself around her in a private place, and that thought excited me a little too much.

**AN: Hey guys! Finally finished this chapter. After much work, I am still not very happy with it, so please review and tell me what you think. The next chapter will be Bella's decision, and then we will go from there. Please review. Constructive criticism helps, and a love positive feedback! =D love to all my readers and reviewers. And also a huge thanks to anyone who took the time to simply add the story to their alerts. It makes me really happy to see that people are taking the time to read my writing, and I just want to thank everyone, who stopped by, and say that it's greatly appreciated. Also, if you have a spare couple of minutes…REVIEW, please?! **

**Xoxo**

**Keet =]**


	7. Absentmindedly Making Me Want You

**BPOV**

"Umm…if that's okay?" I asked shyly

"Of course. That was the point of the evening after all," Edward smiled at me, and I mentally melted to a pool of gooey mush under the table.

"Okay," I smiled gratefully at him in an attempt to hide my nerves. Edward asked our waiter for the bill and I got my purse out.

"How much do I owe?" I asked as I pulled some notes into my hand.

"Don't be silly, Bella."

"But I want to pay. You can't pay for me."

"You can pay next time," he told me. As his words sunk in, I realised what he'd just said. _Next time._ He was planning on doing this again. My heart did a backwards somersault as I attempted to steady my breathing.

"Fine," I huffed after I had regained my normal bodily functions. After Edward paid the bill we walked out of the restaurant and the hand that rested perfectly on the small of my back guided me toward the lonesome silver car. He held the door open and helped me into his car, before making his way back around to his side. We started taking familiar roads back into the main city of New Haven and I found very quickly that we were in the area that I lived in.

"I thought we were going back to _your_ place?" I asked Edward, breaking the comfortable silence that we'd fallen in to.

"We are," he smiled at me as his eyes searched my face.

"Please look at the road?" I begged. He chuckled, but turned his attention back to the road and a few minutes later we pulled up to my apartment block's car park.

"What're we doing here?" I asked, utterly confused now.

"Going to my place," he told me, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You…live…here?!" he just smiled at me as he turned off the car.

"Silly Bella," he whispered, before getting out to open my door for me and helping me out of the car. Always the perfect gentleman, I thought. We walked toward the lobby door, where we were greeted by my door man.

"Bella," he nodded his head toward me. "Edward?" the shock was evident in his voice.

"Good evening, Sam," Edward said politely. "How's it going tonight?"  
"Oh, it's going fine, thank you Edward. How's the lecturing going?"

"It's going really well. I'm really enjoying myself. Yale is a great school. And I have a really great freshman class," Edward said, smiling down at me.

"That's good to hear," the nice old man said. "I guess I'll see you soon?"

"You will,"

"It was great to see you, too, Bella," he grinned at me.

"Bye," I waved politely to him before turning toward the elevator, all the while, the presence of Edward's hand resting on the small of my back was enough to drive me to the brink of insanity. We stepped on to the elevator and Edward pushed the floor number. 15. One floor above me. We stood in a comfortable silence as the elevator made it's way up to the floor. _Edward's floor._ The doors dinged, announcing our arrival at the fifteenth level. I walked beside Edward along the narrow, empty corridor, before stopping outside the door labelled 15C. He lived right on top of me and that thought made me more excited than it should.

I stepped inside the apartment to find it looking exactly like Edward.

"Wow!" I said, completely awestruck.

"My mum's an interior designer," he stated as if it weren't obvious.

"Wow," I muttered again. The apartment had the same layout as mine, but the interior represented Edward's personality perfectly. By simply walking in to his apartment, I felt like I knew him so much more.

"She'd really like you," he told me, breaking me out of my reverie.

"Who?" I muttered, still consumed slightly by this amazing place.

"My mum. Esme," I smiled awkwardly at him. He wanted me to meet his parents? That meant he'd thought about it. I smiled at the thought.

"What are you thinking about?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

He looked at me for a moment, probably trying to decide whether to dazzle the answer out of me, before we moved further into his beautiful home. I looked around the open kitchen/dining/lunge area to find it completely mess free. Not one paper out of place.

"Who's your maid and where can I get one?" I joked.

"My mum," he shrugged, but I could hear the pride in his voice. I smiled, happy that he cared so much for the women in his life, and sad that I wasn't one of them. "She's good at everything,"

"She sounds amazing."

"She is. You'll get to meet her one day," he assured me. I realised that he just told me, again, that I'd meet his parents. I was ecstatic at the thought. "I mean…your brother and my sister are getting pretty close, if you know what I mean?" I felt my heart sink a little at this, but my smile remained in place. Nothing could spoil this moment for me. I was alone with Edward Cullen, in Edward Cullen's house.

**EPOV**

"So how come I have never seen you before? Like, in the elevator or in the lobby?" Bella asked me sweetly.

"Maybe you saw me, but you weren't looking?" I offered. I didn't want to share with her that first time I saw her. She was here, still searching for an apartment. She was with a short pretty young woman with short black hair. Bella's hair was messed, like she'd had a rough day…or a rough quickie in the supply closet, my mind had thought. When I saw her smile, she took my breath away, and the first time I heard the musical sound that was her laugh, I almost lost control of myself. After she bought the apartment, I had seen her many times. I had seen when she was moving in, dressed in sweats, covered in dirt and grime, and she still looked more beautiful than anything else I had ever seen. I saw her in the lobby as she was passing by, her head down, concentrating on where she was walking. And then I met her at the ball, where she spoke her name for the first time, and we danced, before I drove her home and kissed her good night. And then I had seen her every day in my lecture hall, and had hid behind things in the lobby when I had seen her coming. I didn't know whether I wanted her to know that I lived in the same building as her. But then tonight, when we were talking and laughing and sharing stories, I realised that I wanted her to know everything about me. I realised that I was quickly falling in love with the girl next door.

**A/N: **

**Hey guys! Sorry about the long overdue update! I am so sorry that I don't update on a regular basis, but I'm just so so busy! This week has been particularly crazy. On Monday and Tuesday I had so many tests and essays and assignments to do…it was insane! Then Wednesday I got most of this chapter done, and yesterday was my birthday, and I'm putting this chapter up now…after I just finished riding my horses! So, yeah…busy! Plus I have my drivers license now, so I can go out more often, which might suck a little more for this story, but I will try to not let it affect it too much, that is, if you still like it. I also have to apologize for the absolute crappyness and shortness of this chapter! I know it sucks, but it's what I have for you at the moment, so please let me know what you think of it by REVIWEING?!?!?! I also need to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter, THANK YOU! It's the reason you're getting this chapter now! And probably the reason that I failed my assignment… =P but I don't care! =P lol…ok…this repulsively long authors note is coming to an end now. Please review, and I will update ASAP, as always! Much love to anyone who reads it!! THANKS HEAPS EVERYONE!!**

**Xoxo  
Keet =]**


	8. Hope Your Love Leads You Back To My Door

It was exactly one week after my _tutoring_ session with Edward Cullen – world's most perfect man, when I was sitting at my desk in my apartment studying what I had learnt that week. My grades were staying the same basically all the way through my classes so far. My assignment for Edward is due on Monday, and I have almost finished. I looked up to check the time. 5:46pm. I was stuck at home studying on Friday night. I groaned. Alice and Jasper were out on yet another date, and Emmett was spending every waking minute with Rosalie, so I was all alone. I didn't want to get drunk by myself, and I didn't want to go out to eat by myself, so instead, I sat at my desk and studied. I sounded like such a nerd. The only difference between a nerd and me is that a nerd wouldn't spend every second of every day thinking of their lecturer and the things he could do to her with his mouth. I was putting the finishing touches on my assignment when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" I heard my mum's distraught voice ring through the telephone.

"Mum? What's wrong?" I heard the same panic in my tone.

"It's your Dad."  
"What do you mean?"

"He's…he's…he's…" mum started to sob.

"Mum. What is it? What's wrong with dad?"

"There's been an accident…" She trailed off.

"What do you mean? What sort of accident?"

"A car accident, Bella."

"Is he going to be ok?"

"No."

"What do you mean?" A sob escaped my throat.

"He's…he's," my mum sobbed. I knew what she meant.

"No!" I near screamed into the phone, before my legs fell out beneath me and I collapsed to a weeping heap on the floor. "I'm coming there right now!" I managed through my tears.

"No. Bella. Tonight you need to be with someone. You need to be with Alice or someone who can keep you company. Someone you can share this pain with. Do you hear me?" my mum asked, suddenly strong.

"Yes," I murmured.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"  
"I will ring you when I know about the funeral plans. You can't miss out on your schooling. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I replied, almost robotically. It's like this was all a dream. Like my head was detached from my body, or something really strange like that. It couldn't be happening. Not to me. Not to dad. And not to mum.

"Okay. I love you, Bella."

"I love you too. It's all going to be okay," I said, even though I wasn't sure of anything in that moment.

"I know, baby girl," my mum said before the line went dead. I couldn't ring Alice and ruin her date with Jasper. I tried to think who else I could ring. Emmett would know already, and he would be with Rosalie. The only person I could go to was Edward. Could I go to Edward? He was my teacher. Before I knew what was happening, I was locking my door and heading toward the elevator.

I knocked on the door that led to apartment 15C and waited for an answer. It opened a few moments later.

"Bella?" Edward's calming voice rang. All I did was collapse into his arms and sobbed into his shirt. I knew this wasn't professional, I knew it wasn't right. But I didn't care. In this moment, all the mattered was that someone was here, holding me. A few minutes later, he pushed me back, and looked into my eyes.

"Bella? What's wrong? What's happened?" he asked me as he brushed my tears away. I was still looking into his green eyes, and I couldn't find the strength to look anywhere else.

"I couldn't think of who else to go to," I managed before another wave of hysteria washed over me. I was vaguely aware of Edward gently pulling me into his apartment and sitting me onto his sofa, but I couldn't pay much attention to anything. He curled me into himself, and I felt so safe in his arms.

Eventually, I couldn't cry anymore. I stopped and looked up at him. He wiped the remaining tears off my face gently and our eyes were locked again.

"Bella. Do you want to talk about it?" did I want to talk about it? No, not really. But I came here and cried in his arms while he waited patiently for my tear ducts to dry. "It's ok. You don't have to," he reassured me as he pushed some hair off my face.

"My dad is dead," I stated numbly.

"Oh, Bella," he said, sadness suddenly overwhelming his perfect face.

"Car accident."

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said as he looked down at the sofa. We sat in silence for a while, basking in our own sadness.

"Do you know what we need?" Edward's voice rang through the silent apartment.

"What's that?" I said, my tone flat.

"Booze," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I like that idea," I forced a smile.

"What would you like?"

"Anything strong."

"Done," he said as he got up and headed towards the bar that sat in the corner of the room. A few moments later he walked back with a bottle of scotch, and my cell phone rang. Emmett's name flashed across the screen.

"Emmett," I sighed sadly.

"Bella," he said. I could hear the tears in his voice.

"You've heard?" I asked, my voice filled with a sadness that was new to my ears.

"Are you okay? I'm with Rose, but I can come there if you need me to?" he asked.

"No. I'm okay. You stay there," I told him.

"Are you with anyone?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"Edward."

"Oh. Okay. I will call you tomorrow, okay? I love you, little sister," his voice rang through the phone and I held back the tears. It took a lot for Emmett to show feelings, and here he was showing them all.  
"Okay. I love you too," And then the line went dead. I turned to look at Edward. He looked at me, sadness in his eyes. The sympathy on his face made me sadder.

"What are we waiting for?" I asked as I took the bottle from his hands and twisted the lid off. I gulped the amber liquid down, setting a burning feeling down my throat until it rested comfortably in my stomach. Edward watched me before taking the bottle and copying me.

"Ahh," he sighed, before handing the bottle back to me.

"I love the good stuff. And this is definitely the good stuff," I stated. Alcohol and I didn't mix very well, and I could feel that it was already getting to me.

"It is," he smiled his gorgeous crooked smile at me. We sat and talked and drank until the bottle was empty. My head was spinning, but I could still feel the pain as much as ever.

"I'm going to go and find some more," Edward slurred. We were sitting on the floor at this stage, after I fell off, and Edward, in an effort to help me back up, fell too. As he attempted to use me to help him stand up to go in search of some more alcohol, he slipped and ended up on top of me. We were lying on his living room floor, him on top of me, and that's when I felt his very prominent erection pressing into my stomach.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, trying to help himself up.

"Don't be," I slurred slightly. Our eyes locked for a moment, before he crushed his lips to mine. My hands immediately went to fist into his bronze hair and he ran one of his hands up and down my thigh, while the other pulled my head closer to his. I felt his tongue run across my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I willingly obliged and our tongues danced furiously together. I ran my hands down his back until I reached his perfect arse, where I rested them for a while. He let a small groan escape into my mouth, and a sucked vigorously on his perfect tongue. We reluctantly broke for oxygen, but Edward never stopped. His lips where everywhere. He kissed across my jawbone, leaving a searing line of fire wherever his tongue flicked out to lick my skin. I was still finding it difficult to get any oxygen into my burning lungs. I felt his hands roaming over my body, caressing every bit of skin they touched. I suddenly needed to feel his perfect lips on mine again. I rolled us over, my mouth never leaving his as I took control. My hands slipped under his shirt and I felt his abs of steel. They were perfect. I scraped my nails over the sensitive skin, causing him to groan and shiver. The fact that I was doing this to him made me smile. I smiled against his lips, and I felt him smile back to me, our lips never moving from one another. They moved together in perfect synchronization, and before I knew it, Edward had rolled us over and he was now in control again.

"Too many clothes," he murmured as he kissed every inch of skin on my neck, setting an ice cold line of fire across my skin. His hands began unbuttoning my jeans and I stepped in when it was just taking too long. I needed him. I needed to feel him inside me. My hands fiddled with the buttons on his jeans after mine were removed, and before we knew it, we were both only in our underwear and tops. Not for long, though. I pulled Edward's shirt over his head, breaking the kiss for only a second, and he shortly pulled mine over my head, too. His lips immediately found mine again, as if there was a magnetic pull between them. His hands reached around and fumbled with the clasp on my bra before it fell away from my skin. His mouth kissed down my neck and to the skin in between my breasts. A small moan escaped my lips as his hand gently fondled my right breast. His mouth soon took over from his hand and it was all I could do not to moan in absolute pleasure. If I thought his kisses were delightfully sinful, it was nothing compared to what his mouth was doing now. His hand found my left breast and I thought I would spontaneously combust at any moment.

"Bella," he murmured as he moved his mouth to repeat the pure pleasure on my left breast.

"Mmm?" I managed, barely. His mouth continued to work amazing wonders and I couldn't focus on anything but.

"You're beautiful," he said. I was about to explode. I pulled his face back to mine and began our heated kisses again while my hands found his boxers and he found the edge of my panties. His hand grazed over my womanhood briefly and I was on the brink of insanity. When we were both completely free of clothing I felt his hands run over my bare skin. He was everywhere at once. My fingers gently grazed the length of his manhood and he groaned loudly, while his fingers caressed the skin of my stomach, our lips never leaving each other.

"I…need…you," I murmured in between kisses, and I felt him immediately position himself at my entrance. I couldn't wait any longer, and pushed my hips up to meet his. I took most of him inside of me and we both gasped at the pure pleasure that we were feeling. He moved slowly in and out of me, but I needed more friction. I needed to feel that release that was so close, and yet so far at the same time. I wriggled my hips, trying to create the much needed friction.

"Edward. Faster. Harder. Please?" I begged. He immediately pushed roughly inside of me and I felt that white hot wall of ecstasy racing toward me.

"Edward…I'm going to…"

"Bella…" he trailed off. I screamed in pure, ultimate pleasure as my walls tightened around him and the most intense orgasm of my life washed over me. My toes curled and every muscle in my body tightened and spasmed.

"Bella," Edward murmured as he exploded into me, whispering my name over and over. Much too soon after I came back down to earth, Edward rolled off me and I immediately missed the complete feeling that his body inside of mine gave me. I rested my head on his chest and fell straight to sleep, dreaming of my dad.

**AN: So…firstly. That was my first attempt at a real proper detailed lemon. I know it probably sucks, a lot. So I need you guys to help me out. Tell me what was bad and what was good about it, so as I can make it right for you…next time! Yes…I just said next time! LOL! **

**So…poor bella! =[ I needed something to happen…so…after much deliberating…I chose this. I'm sorry to any mega Charlie fans out there…I love him too…but yeah… =P**

**Secondly, I am SO sorry about the delay in getting this chapter up! Life has been crazy, (loads of tests and assessments – courtesy of school, school ball (prom), horses, friends, work and LOADS and LOADS more) not to mention that I got stuck a LOT on this chapter… -_- I just didn't want to work for me. I think I rewrote it about 4 times, and it still isn't very good, and I'm sorry about that. **

**Thirdly. THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!!!!!! It means so much to me when I see that someone has reviewed my story! =D also thank you HEAPS to everyone who simply added this story to their alerts! =D every time I get an email saying someone reviewed, alerted or favourited this story (or me xD) I was grinning like a tool! =P LOL! So thank you SO much, all of you! And please review and let me know how this chapter was for you…?! Love all of you!!!!!!**

**Xoxo**

**Keet =]**


	9. If You Asked Me If I Love Him, I'd Lie

**BPOV**

I woke up to find the sunlight shining in my eyes. I tried to roll over and block the light out, when I rolled into something warm and solid. I opened my eyes. Ouch! I groaned quietly, before I realised that I wasn't in my apartment. I looked down to see Edward in all his perfection. Naked. I looked down to find myself in the same state. I gasped quietly before I got up, much to fast for my hungover head. Looked around the living room floor to see our clothes scattered everywhere. Before I could deliberate any longer I found my clothes and quickly dressed, rushing out of his apartment and back to mine. When I got there I came rushing down to reality faster than I ever thought possible. I saw the phone where I left it yesterday evening, when it fell out of my hands before I left. I saw my assignment still laying messed up and scattered across my study desk. And then I saw myself in the mirror. I had swollen lips, smudged make up and lipstick and carpet burn on my back and ass cheeks. I had just fucked my professor on his living room floor, while drunk, after finding out my dad had passed away. I couldn't look at myself any longer. I was disgusted with myself. Who did such a thing? I quickly dumped my clothes in the washer and went to the bathroom to shower off the remainder of last nights…activities.

I stood under the hot water of the shower until it turned bone-chillingly cold. I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off with my towel. Everything I was doing was robotic. Like I wasn't really here. Like I was dreaming still. I sighed and walked to my dresser to find some clothes to wear. After that I sat down and finished my assignment, placed it in my folder and placed it with my keys. I wasn't planning on going anywhere until school on Monday. After I sat and stared at the wall in front of my desk for about half an hour, my mind never pausing as it tried to replay all the moments I had ever spent with him, I decided that it was time to tell Alice. I reached for my phone, but couldn't find it in my pocket. I walked through the kitchen, but I couldn't see it on the benches either. Just as I was about to ring it, there was a knock on my door.

"Who is it?" I called as I walked up to the door to let them in. I opened the door and gasped a little when I saw Edward standing there.

"Hi," he smiled slightly.

"Hi," I said awkwardly. Maybe he didn't know what happened last night. Please, please don't remember, I silently begged him.

"I believe this is yours?" he asked as he held out my cell phone.

"Oh. Yeah. It is. Thanks. I was just looking for it," I smiled. Was I the only one who could feel the giant awkward space in between us? After a few moments of awkward silence, Edward spoke again.

"So…are you feeling any better today?" he asked me sweetly.

"No. I think I drank way to much last night." _And I have carpet burn on my ASS!_ I screamed at him in my mind.

"Okay," he said sadly. "Do you want me to stay?"

"No thanks. I will be fine. I'm sure you have a lot of stuff to do," I smiled sadly at him.

"I don't. And I don't mind."

"Okay. Only if you really want to. I am fine though," I reassured him.

"Forgive me for saying this, but I want to stay."  
"Okay. Come in then," I said and stood out of the doorway so as he could enter. "Excuse the mess."

"It's fine. Now, how are you really doing?"

"I don't know. It feel like it's just a dream, you know. Like it's not actually happening."

"I understand."

"Oh. Excuse me for a moment? I have to call Alice."

"Sure," he smiled at me as I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and dialled Alice's number. She picked up on the first ring.

"Bella?"

"Alice," I sighed. I could already feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Bella. Are you okay?" I heard a sob escape her lips. She already knew?

"You know?"

"Yes."  
"How? Who? When?"

"Your mum rang 2 minutes ago. Why didn't you tell me last night?"

"I didn't want to ruin your date with Jasper?" I said, more like a question.

"Okay. But Bella? I'm gonna kick your ass in about 2 minutes when I get there."

"Why?"  
"Because I'm your best friend and you didn't tell me that your dad was _dead_," I heard her say quietly, as if she didn't want me to hear it. A small sob escaped my throat, but I kept the tears back.

"Okay. But Alice, I don't need you to come over. Really. I'm fine," I tried. No luck.

"Bella. I know you are _no where near fine_. I know right now you are putting on a brave front and pretending that you are fine and that there's nothing bothering you. I know you Bella. You can't fool me," Alice told me sternly. She had a point. I sighed in defeat.

"Fine!"

"Oh, and Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you follow your mother's instructions last night?"

"Which ones?"

"About staying with someone…?"

"Yes."  
"Who'd you stay with? Emmett?"

"None of your business," I told her.

"Bella? Did you stay with Edward Cullen?"

_Dammit! YES!_

"No."

"Bella. You're a terrible liar, even through the phone I can tell you're lying to me."

"Am not!"

"Bella. Did you do more than _stay_ with Edward Cullen?"

"No!" I said as a pink shade crept onto my cheeks.

"Bella Swan. Did you fuck Edward Cullen last night?"

"No?" I asked. _Good one Bella!_

"I want details!"

"Not now, Alice," I said flatly, getting more embarrassed by the second.

"Oh," she said, realisation in her voice. "He's with you right now, isn't he? You're in the same room with him right now, aren't you?"

"Bye Alice."

"I will see you in 5," I heard her say before I snapped my phone shut and turned back to Edward

"Sorry about that," I smiled sadly at him.

"It's fine," he assured me before we fell in to a comfortable silence for a few minutes. "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." _Please don't ask what I think you're gonna ask._

"What happened last night? _Great. Could he read my mind?_

"Nothing. What do you mean?"

"Well. I remember you came over and we sat and you cried on my shoulder and then I got the scotch out and we drank until we were drunk, I'm guessing. And I can't remember what happened after that, but I woke up this morning on my living room floor. Naked. And with carpet burn on my knees." My cheeks turned a dark crimson colour as random images from last night flashed across my mind. I tried to hide my face with my hair, but Edward noticed it already. Stupid, observant, sexy-as-hell man. "Bella? Did we have sex last night?"

"What answer do you want to hear?"

"Oh god! Bella. I am _so_ sorry. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to use you like that." _Ouch! That hurt! He didn't mean it? Wait. Use me? What was he talking about?_

"What do you mean? I took advantage of you." I was so confused in this moment.

"What? You were emotionally unstable and I got you drunk and fucked you on my living room floor." At his words my cheeks turned as red as a tomato.

"I don't regret it," I mumbled as I looked down at the floor.

"Neither do I," he told me. I looked at him, disbelief written on my features. Our eyes locked and the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine. I closed my eyes and moaned softly into his mouth at the pleasure. He ran his tongue along my lower lip and I gave him entrance immediately. My hands fisted in his hair, while his lovingly caressed the sides of my body. I felt his prominent erection pressing into my stomach and smiled slightly at the fact that I was doing that to him. Our lips broke apart and I gasped in some much needed oxygen while his lips continued to kiss across my jaw bone and down my neck. Once I had regained my normal breathing patterns, his lips were immediately on mine again. I shivered with pleasure as his tongue explored every inch of my mouth gently. Just then I heard someone clear their throat. I reluctantly broke apart from Edward to see who had rudely interrupted us.

"Alice!" I exclaimed, looking at her standing in the doorway. I had been so caught up in Edward and his amazing mouth that I hadn't even heard her come in.

"Bella. Professor Cullen," she nodded at me, and then Edward, before looking back to me with a knowing smirk on her face.

"Alice," Edward said politely.

"Well, this is awkward," Alice laughed. I would kill her later.

"I think I'll go. Yeah. I'll go," Edward mumbled as he stepped away from me.

"Alice. Could you give us a minute?" I said, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Sure," she said as she strutted off to the kitchen.

"So…" I started once Alice had disappeared.

"I'm so sorry Bella," Edward said as he caressed my cheek with his thumb. I leaned into his hand and closed my eyes briefly.

"What on earth for?" I really didn't understand this god sometimes.

"For what Alice saw. And for last night."

"Alice already knew that I had the world's biggest crush on you, and she knew something was going on when I rang her this morning."  
"World's biggest crush, huh?" he asked. _Crap! Crap, crap, crap! _

"No?" I asked as a pink blush crept up my neck to my cheeks.

"Don't be embarrassed. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, either," he said, his hand still caressing my cheek. "Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to go out with me?" at this my eyes shot open.

_Yes! Yes, yes, yes!_

"No. We can't. It's against the rules. It's just…it's against the rules."

"What if there were no rules?"

"What do you mean?"

"If there were no rules or boundaries…no rights and wrongs…would you be my girlfriend?"

"I don't know." _OF COURSE I WOULD!!!!!_ "What are you getting at?"

"Nothing," he shook his head and disappointment was written all over his features. "I guess I'll get going now…" he trailed off.

"Okay."

"Goodbye, Bella," he said.

"Bye," I said as his hand reached out once again and stroked my cheek.

"May I?" he asked just before his lips brushed mine in a soft kiss.

"I never said yes," I mumbled against his lips.

"Oh…shut up and kiss me," he said as he took my lips in his and our tongues danced erotically together. All too soon he pulled away and mumbled a "Bye, Bella," before turning and leaving me breathless and dizzy in my doorway. Now to face Alice. I shut the door and walked toward the kitchen, when my pixie best friend jumped out from behind a door.

"Details! I want details. All of them!" she demanded.

"Too bad, because you're not getting them. I'm going to go and pack now," I said sadly.

"Pack? What for?"

"For the funeral," I said as a few tears slipped from my eyes.

"Oh, Bella. Come here," Alice said as she pulled me into a hug.

"Let it all out. I'm here for you. Come on," she said as she sat us on the couch and I cried in to her shoulder as she calmingly stroked my back. She sat there holding me long after the tears stopped.

"I'm okay," I finally said, my voice hoarse.

"Are you sure?" Alice asked, looking into my swollen and puffy eyes.

"I'm not sure of anything at the moment," I told her honestly.

"I know. I know," she said sadly. We sat lost in our own thoughts for a long while and shortly after, I fell into an agitated and restless sleep consisting of gruesome images and live stream video of how my dad spent his last minutes alive.

**AN: So, I know I told a few of you that I would have the chapter up by the end of last week…but it obviously didn't happen. I think last week was the busiest week of my life, so I do apologize, but I got it up ASAP.**

**I hope this chapter was okay. It has a lot of inner-Bella-conflict. That is, Bella's mind saying what it wants, while Bella's rational brain says what should be said in a situation like she was in. I wanted to capture the fact that even though they were drunk when they did it, Bella and Edward shared true and mutual feelings throughout their sex romp on the living room floor. **

**I just want to say that I was absolutely blown away by the amount of story alerts I got for the last chapter….WOW! this story currently has 110 story alerts and 48 favourite stories. I know it might not seem like much, but to me, it's astonishing. I'm just ecstatic. But the thing that makes me most ecstatic is REVIEWS! I know they're a pain in the ass, but they're what get the next chapter up. They are the ones that make me over ecstatic. Is there a word to describe the next level above ecstatic? If there is…that's what reviews make me. So PLEASE review?! I love you all very much! Thank you for reading my story! =D**

**Xoxo**

**Keet =]**


	10. Why Break a Perfectly Good Heart?

I woke some time later to the sound of my cell phone beeping. I heard two familiar voices in the kitchen. Wait. Make that three familiar voices and one not so familiar voice. I sat up on the sofa and looked around my living room to where my phone was lit up on the table. I checked the message. Just one from the phone company. I looked toward the kitchen and saw Alice through the door way. I decided to go and join my (uninvited) guests. I made my way toward the kitchen and everyone stopped talking when I managed to clatter the only pot plant in the apartment to the ground. _Way to make a grand entrance_ I thought to myself. I didn't realise it, but I was staring right at Edward.

"Uh…err…Alice invited me over…" he trailed off.

"Oh. Umm. Okay. Yeah. Sorry," I mumbled incoherently.

"It's true," Alice murmured. Why did everyone keep thinking that I was angry that Edward was here? If anything, I wanted him here. As inappropriate as that sounded and probably was.

"Wait. Stop making excuses. Stop," I cut in before anyone else could speak. They all looked directly at me. What was with that? It isn't like I'm an activated bomb. Like I was about to explode. "What is going on?" I near yelled.

"Uh…you walked in here with a murderous expression on your face and you looked directly at Edward. I thought you didn't want him here," Alice explained.

"What? Of course I want him here," I paused and 4 pairs of eyes stared at me in shock. "What I meant to say is…why shouldn't he be here? He's basically part of the family now…" I said and looked around. Rosalie and Emmett were smiling at me, before they turned their attention back to each other, while Alice had a smirk on her face that I didn't like the look of and Edward looked at me with a warm and caring, happy smile on his face. How I wanted to kiss that face all over…ok. _That_ was inappropriate. He is my professor, for Christ sake. Even if I did fuck him on his living room floor and every moment I think about how I want to do it again and again and again…so as I can remember it…it was no way to think of a lecturer; a mentor. But still, as inappropriate as it all was, I still couldn't block the thoughts and mental images from my mind. I shook my head clear of those thoughts, while my cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment. Edward's face had a knowing smirk on it – like he knew what I was thinking. And I didn't like that thought. I decided to ignore him and I faced toward Emmett.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, fully aware of Edward's eyes travelling my body.

"I just came to check up on you. Make sure you really are okay."

"Yeah. I am. See," I said as I shot Edward a quick warning look. "Fine," I said, turning my attention straight back to Emmett and giving him a fake smile.

"Ok. If you say so, Bells."

"Yeah. Well. We can't undo it, can we?" I started before I turned to Edward. I had had enough of his longing stares in this moment. It was getting awkward now. I took a step toward him and poked my finger at him as I spoke. "You are my _professor_. Stop _looking_ at me," I told him before I turned back to Emmett. "Have you heard from mum today, yet?" I asked him.

"Uh. Yeah. She's surviving," he told me sadly. I could feel Edward still looking at me in a way that made my panties very wet. The man was _impossible._

"You know, I think we have to go," Alice cut in, grabbing Emmett and Rosalie's arms.

"We do?" Emmett asked, before Alice glared at him. "Oh. Yeah. We do."

"Bye Bella," Rosalie smiled sadly at me before she went and whispered something to Edward.

"See ya, Bells," Emmett said, bringing me in for a giant bear hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Talk to you soon," I nodded. "We're all gonna be ok," he assured me. Alice took me in for a hug after that.

"I'm here for you. Always," she said to me, before releasing me.

"I know," I mumbled sadly. I could deal with the death part just fine. It was all the sympathy that got to me. I walked everyone to the door, but Edward stayed in my kitchen. Did he not get the gist of what everyone else was doing? After everyone (except pain in my ass in the kitchen) had left, I walked into my living room and neatened the magazines atop my table. I heard Edward standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room and I chose to ignore him.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he walked up behind me.

"Fine," I muttered. All I wanted to do was jump into his arms and stay there forever. But I couldn't do that. We couldn't be that fairytale happily ever after couple. We couldn't be a couple at all. It was against the rules. Against my rules that I had set myself.

"Bella. You don't have to be so brave all the time," he told me sweetly.

"What would you know?"

"I know. Bella. Trust me. I know," I turned and faced him and he looked so sincere and so sad. "Sit down," he offered nicely. I just nodded and sat on the sofa. He sat down next to me and took my hand in his, stroking his thumb over it gently.

"Carlisle and Esme…well…they're my adoptive parents. They're actually my aunt and uncle," he began.

"I don't understand."

"My real parents; Elizabeth and Edward Masen…well…they died in a tragic car accident when I was 4 years old."

"Oh, Edward. I am so sorry."

"I didn't deal with it at all well. I rebelled against everyone. I thought everyone was out to get me. I didn't speak to anyone for 2 months afterwards. I was sent to psychologists, but the only thing that helped me was books. I fell in love with great literature works, hence what I do for a living now."

"Wow. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. I feel awful now."

"Don't. You didn't know. It isn't your fault. And I didn't tell you so as I could gain your sympathies. I told you so as you could understand that I've been there and now I'm here to help. If that's okay with you?" he asked me sincerely. I felt the tears escape from my eyes and I knew I wasn't going to stop them. I looked up at him through my tears after a few moments.

"What are we going to do?" I asked.

"About what?"

"About this. About _us_," I said sadly.

"Bella. There is a small problem that I have."

"You're married?!" I screamed, moving across the room faster than I would have thought possible.

"No. No, no, no," he chuckled slightly.

"It's not funny," I scolded him.

"Come and sit back down," I did as I was asked. He took my hand in his again, and kissed it softly. His lips lingered for a few moments longer than I would have considered appropriate, but I ignored that, because the feel of his soft lips on my skin was the height of any pleasure I had ever felt.

"So," I started, breaking the silence. "What's your problem?"

"Do you promise you won't freak out if I tell you?"

"I promise," I spoke sincerely. I noticed his thumb stopped caressing the skin on the back of my hand, but I didn't take my eyes away from the carpet on the floor.

"Bella? Will you look at me?" he asked. I didn't. I couldn't make myself move my head. His hand that wasn't holding mine came up to my cheek, and turned my head so I was looking straight into his emerald eyes.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"I am in love with you." I just sat and stared straight back into his eyes. _He was in love? With me? _

"What do you mean?" I finally found my voice.

"I mean I can't stop thinking about you. When I'm with you, I feel like I could fly, and the moment I'm away from you I miss you more than you could ever imagine. You're absolutely beautiful in a way I have never seen beauty before. You take my breath away with your smile, and when I hear your laugh…" – he shook his head, smiling – "It is so hard to be around you without touching you. My heart beats faster whenever I see you in the lecture hall, and sometimes I'm convinced everyone can hear it's erratic sound. It's not all physical, though. I think you are the warmest, kindest, sweetest person that I will ever have the chance to know. You're the kind of person who's world could be crashing down and you would still put on a smile, or sympathise with a co-worker. You love your family very much, and welcome new people with open arms…do you see what I am getting at?" he finished.

"You love me," I nodded as a tear made it's way across my cheek.

"More than you could imagine," he said, his emotion-filled eyes stared straight back into mine and before I knew it I was leaning toward him. My lips were slightly parted in anticipation. He moved closer toward me as he closed the remaining gap between us. He moved ever so slowly and my breathing hitched in expectation. In the last moment before our lips were to come crashing together, I moved my head. His lips rested softly on my cheek for a moment. _What was I thinking? We couldn't do this. We couldn't be who I wanted us to be. _

"Sorry," Edward mumbled against my cheek, before he pulled away.

"I can't do this. What am I saying? _We_ can't do this. _We_ can't be _that_ couple. _We_ can't be _a_ couple. It just…it won't work. These things never work," I said, disappointment laced through my voice.

"How can you be so sure?"

"We can't take that risk. I care deeply for you. I might possibly love you, but I will have to think about it. All those things you said about me…I feel the same about you. But we can't do it. I can't even fool myself…how do you think we're going to fool everyone else?"

"What do you mean 'fool yourself'?"

"I tried so hard to tell myself I didn't have feelings for you. That what happened between us was just a big mistake, but I give up. It's too exhausting."

"A big mistake?"

"I fucked you on your lounge room floor when I was drunk. If that's not a mistake, then I don't know what is." It hurt to say it, but it was true…_wasn't it?_

"Bella. That wasn't a mistake. For me, anyway. To me it was right. To me it was perfection," he said as his thumb caressed my cheek. I got lost in his eyes again and I began to lean closer to him again, before I realised what I was doing.

"Stop it. Stop saying those things. This is hard enough for me as it is. And then you go and say the sweetest things I've ever heard and I can't take it. You come here and tell me that you love me and you tell me that drunken sex on your lounge room floor wasn't a mistake and you touch me in a way I have never even dreamed of. So softly and tenderly. It's enough to make me want to take you right there and then. But I can't, because you're my professor. You're my mentor. We can't be in a relationship. We can't have these feelings toward each other," I took a deep breath before the next part, that would break me. "I would appreciate it if you would leave now, and not contact me or speak to me again, with the exception of a student and a professor speaking," as I finished, the tears that I tried so hard to hold back over flowed from my eyes and I looked away from his painstakingly beautiful face, before anything could happen. He stood up and turned toward me.

"You know where to find me if you need me. For anything. Anything at all," he said as sadness creeped out from his sullen voice. I stood up too. The least I could do was walk him to the door. We walked in silence toward the door, and he opened it slowly. Before he stepped out into the hallway he turned once more toward me. He leaned toward me and kissed my cheek, lingering a little longer than was necessary, but I let it pass, because the contact between my cheek and his chin was pure delight, and I didn't want it to end. A moment later he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine and looked directly into my eyes.

"I love you," he muttered, before he turned and went toward the elevator. I let the tears run down my face as I closed my door. Sobs escaped from my lips as I leaned against the door and slid down toward the floor, resting my face on my knees and letting the tears flow until I couldn't cry anymore. Hours must've passed, because it had been dark outside for a long while, and I was starting to feel hungry…well…I should have been, if the thought of eating didn't make me sick to my stomach.

**A/N: It's gonna be a short AN, because I need to get this chapter out to you guys. Life has been so hectic lately. Which is why I haven't had a chance to get this chapter out to you. I'm sorry. I apologize 100 million times over. I hope you forgive me, and still take 2 minutes to review. I LOVE reviews. I'm a review-a-holic. They make me REALLY happy, and they really do help me to get chapters out. Anyone who writes FF should know this. Anyways. That's all I have to say. Review, thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter, or at any stage during the story. It makes my day. =] and thanks to everyone who added the story to their alerts. I get so excited when I get new emails saying that you guys are liking my writing, which is all that matters, really, isn't it?**

**Ok. Shutting up now. =]**

**Xoxo**

**Keet =]**


	11. you loved me? were you just kidding?

_2 weeks later_

The funeral had been emotional, sad and horrible. It wasn't hard to fake sadness, as all I could think about was Edward and the look of utter sadness on his face as I'd asked him to leave and never speak to me again. He had been so numb in class. He didn't engage us or ask rhetorical questions or joke anymore. He was just there. He was just like me. All I could think about over the past two weeks was the fact that Edward Cullen _loved_ me. And all I could do was turn him away. For the last 2 weeks, I had been numb; my brain frozen. Alice was so worried about me, but I wouldn't speak. I hadn't spoken to anyone except when I had been asked how I was. I would always reply with 'fine.' They obviously didn't believe me, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore. After completing revision and assignments, I would sit and think. I let my mind go free. I didn't stop unwanted thoughts. Thoughts about my dad. Thoughts about my health. But most of all, thoughts about Edward. I missed his company and warm smiles more and more everyday.

I sat at home tonight, thinking about the 'what ifs' in my life. What if my dad didn't pass away? What if I didn't make it to college? What if I didn't get the scholarship to come to Yale? What if Alice hadn't forced me to go to that damn ball? What if Edward wasn't a professor? What if Edward and I got together? And most of all; what if I _was_ in love with Edward Cullen? As I sat on my sofa pondering over all these what if's, I realised something.

I. _Was_. In. Love. With. Edward. Anthony. Masen. Cullen.

Once I realised this, I couldn't help but run to him. I didn't care about my schooling. I didn't care that I could lose my scholarship. I just needed to see Edward. I got up off the floor and ran out my door toward the elevator. I hit the up button and climbed in, the whole while; my heart was beating rapidly in my chest. _How could I have not of realised this before? I LOVED him. I loved him with my whole heart. My whole soul._

As the elevator doors opened, I took a deep breath before running down the hall toward Edward's hotel room. _Knock knock knock_. I banged on the door repeatedly until it swung open. And there he stood in all his beauty and perfection.

"Bella?" he said, disbelief and confusion in his tone.

"I love you too," I blurted out. He looked at me wide-eyed.

"Wait. What?" he asked as he took a step back from me.

"I am in love with you," I repeated, a lot less confident now, as sadness creeped into my voice. He continued to look at me. I got enough courage to take a step forward. He didn't retract, so I took it as encouragement. I took another step toward his, and now our bodies were touching. He was looking at the floor behind me, though.

"Look at me," I told him. His eyes were still transfixed on the floor. "Edward," I pleaded with him. His eyes locked on mine, and my breath suddenly came in short gasps. His eyes were _that_ breathtakingly beautiful. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked as a tear escaped my eye. No answer. "Edward. What is it? What have I done?"

"Nothing," he muttered.

"What's happened, then?" I said as the tears started coming freely. This is not how this scene had played out in my mind. A few moments later he spoke.

"Bella. We _can't_ be together. You have already made that very clear."  
"But I don't care about any of that anymore. All I care about…all I know is that I am in love with you. I love you with my heart and soul. You can't push me away. Not now," I started sobbing. "Please? Please?" I begged him. "I love you. Forever. You can't turn back the clock. What's done is done. I can't fall out of love with you," I sobbed and begged and cried and pleaded. I could see that he was trying to keep a blank face, but I could also see the pain behind his eyes.

"No. Bella. I won't let you risk your future for me," he told me sullenly.

"_You_ are my future."

"Don't be silly. I am nothing. I am just a person. There are so many people out there. And you're beautiful. Breathtakingly stunning. You'll find someone who will love you and you won't have to risk your future," he said as tears started overflowing from his eyes.

"Edward. You are not nothing. And you are not _just_ a person. You're the love of my life. You're my Romeo," I told him as my eyes searched his. "You're my Edward," I muttered, but he heard me.

"Bella. We _can't._ I can't do that to you. It would be unfair,"

"I have seen you these last two weeks. You have been so numb. So blank. So down. So much…like…me. Doesn't that tell you something?"  
"What's that?"  
"We _need_ each other."

"No we don't."  
"We don't?"

"No."

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me anymore, and I will leave," I told him. He was silent for a long while, and then he drew in a deep breath and looked deep into my eyes.

"I don't love you anymore," he told me. Tears streamed from my eyes as I turned slowly away from him and began walking slowly toward the elevator.

I locked myself in my apartment and ignored my phone and my email and my buzzer. If Alice needed to see me, she had a key. So did Emmett. They knew I just wanted to be alone. I just wanted to sit and wallow in self pity until I died.

After a few days, I got up and showered, before returning to the sofa. I grabbed some chocolate cookies off the table and turned the TV on, cuddling up to the blanket. I must've drifted off, because when I woke, the light outside was dimming. I switched the TV off and stared at the blank screen. A few minutes passed, and then I heard a key unlocking the door. It was Alice.

"Get your arse up. Get into the shower. Put this dress on. Now!" she demanded. I did as I was told. The dress was way too revealing and came higher than mid thigh. It was bright pink and clinged to me. Lucky I wasn't claustrophobic, I thought. I ignored the length of the dress. I didn't care. Next, Alice gave me 4 inch heels. Maybe they'd kill me, I thought hopefully. After I was ready to go, Alice stopped me, stood in front of me and asked me the question that I was both dreading and expecting.

"How are you?"

I didn't have an answer. I just looked at her.

"That good, huh?" she asked me sarcastically, with sadness in her voice. I just nodded. "Well," she started. "We're going to have fun…while we're drunk!" she squealed excitedly.

"Yay," I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

EB ~ EB ~ EB

"He doesn't love me, Alice," I stated again, as my latest round of tequila got to me. "Why does my love life suck so badly?"

"At least you didn't sleep with him," she laughed. I was silent, a look of guilt on my face. "Bella. Please tell me you didn't sleep with him." I just looked at her like a deer caught in headlights. "Isabella Marie Swan…you had _sex_ with Edward _Cullen_?!" she screeched at me.

"Yes?" I asked timidly.

"When?"  
"The Night I found out Charlie died…" I trailed off as I remembered the night.

"How?"  
"Strong bourbon, lust, sexual tension, Edward Cullen." _Shut up Bella._

"Where?"

"His living room floor." _I hate tequila._

"Ouch?"

"Carpet burn is slowly repairing itself." _Never ever drinking again._

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE?!" she screamed at me after a few moments.

"Because it doesn't matter."

"Bella…answer me this one question."

"O…kay."

"Have you discussed the drunken porno-grade sex since the drunken porno-grade sex?"

"Yes."

"What was his reaction when you were talking about it?"

"Alice. You said _one_ question."

"Just shut up and answer the question."

"He felt guilty that he took _advantage_ of _me_. But clearly I was the one who took advantage of _him_. Then the next time I saw him…he told me he…loved me," I sobbed the last part.

"Oh, Bella.," Alice sighed sadly as she hugged me. "We need to make him jealous," she smiled deviously.

"How do you make someone who doesn't love you, probably doesn't even like you, jealous?" I asked. Alice grinned at me before running off. I sat and waited, hoping that she would return soon.

"Hey," I heard a deep voice say from beside me. I looked up and saw a tall man smiling down at me.

"Hi?" I asked.

"I'm Alex," he said as he held out his hand for me to shake.

"Bella," I mumbled awkwardly.

"I noticed your glass was looking a little dry. Can I get you another?" he offered.

"Oh…umm…okay." He looked at me like there was spaghetti Bolognese on my forehead. I stared back at him.

"What would you like me to get you?" he asked me patiently. I felt my cheeks burn bright red.

"Oh. Right. Sorry," I stumbled. "Umm. Could I get a pina colada please?"

"Sure," he smiled scurrying away and returning a little while later with our drinks. After a few more drinks, I could barely stand, and the sort-of-okay-looking guy now looked like Brad Pitt and Jude Law had a baby.

"Do you wanna get outta here?" he asked me. I didn't think it was right to sleep with him, but then I remembered what Alice said about jealousy. _Make Edward jealous_. It was worth a try.

"My place?" I smiled at him.

"Definitely."

EB ~ EB ~ EB

I moaned a lot more and a lot louder than was necessary, hoping Edward was home and could hear me. Alice apparently stopped by at one stage during the night and could hear me from the hall way. I felt sorry for all my neighbours and when I walked past them, I got some weird, amazed and pissed off looks.

**AN – thought I would update once more before mid-year exams begin next week. That's my excuse for taking so long to update. I also apologise that this chapter is SO SHORT. If I don't post it now, you might be waiting another week for it, so please don't be angry at me. =[ that's all I have for you tonight as I am extremely tired and stressed. PLEASE REVIEW. It's what got this chapter done now and not a months time. =] they really do make my week. **

**Xoxo**

**Keet =]**


	12. Tell Me Why

I sat through Edward's class on the Monday and just stared at the man who could've been mine. I could see images of me in a wedding dress walking down the isle toward Edward in a suit smiling happily at me. And as scary as those thoughts were, they were some what comforting, too. When the lecture was over, I was packing up my crap off the desk, when Edward approached me. I realised we were alone in the room now and the door was shut. Uh oh. I thought.

"Bella? Please may I speak to you for a moment?" he asked me seriously.

"What is it?" I asked, frustrated that he couldn't let it drop. He didn't love me and that was that. End of story. Whatever.

"Please just hear me out?"

"Fine."

"I…heard you…on…Friday night." _Friday night_. I thought. _Oh shit!_ My cheeks burned bright red as I looked as far down to the floor as was possible. Then I remembered Alice's nagging voice. _Make Edward jealous._ I looked up at Edward and smiled sweetly at him.

"What about it?" I asked him.

"Bella. You don't have to go and fuck random guys in order to feel complete," he trailed off.

"Who said I was doing it to feel complete? Who says I wasn't just doing it because I like a good fuck and I don't care who it's with?" _I sounded like a hooker._ "I can do what I want, when I want, with who I want," I told him firmly.

"Bella. This isn't you. Don't do this to yourself. Please."

"What do you care?" I yelled at him. "Oh, wait. You _don't,_" I told him flatly. "And who are you to say what is and isn't me. You don't know me.

"Bella. Of course I care about you," I sent him a death glance. "I care about everyone in every one of my classes. I don't want to be _just _another professor. I want to be someone you can come to for help if you need it. Someone you can trust if you need to talk." My eyebrows shot up at this.

"Because the last time I did that with you, we ended up fucking each other on your living room floor!" I yelled at him.

"Bella. That was…a lot of alcohol consumption. I didn't know what I was doing. You were emotionally unstable and I took advantage of you. I already apologised for that and you have no idea how guilty I feel about that."

"It seemed like you knew what you were doing to me."

"You know what I mean," his tone pleaded with me.

"Do I?" I countered. Of course I knew what he meant. I just didn't want to give in so easily.

"I wasn't thinking clearly."

"In other words, it was a mistake."

"No! I never said that!" he quickly defended himself. I didn't know what to believe any more.

"Professor Cullen, I need to go now," I told him as I lifted my satchel bag over my shoulder and started turning toward the door.

"Bella. Wait," he grabbed my hand and a new wave of desire coursed through my veins. I spun around and didn't realise how close Edward was standing to me. Our bodies were almost touching and before I knew what was happening, he had captured my lips with his, and I kissed him back with all the passion and love I had for him. Almost as quick as the kiss started, it ended, courtesy of edward. I had to double-take whether it actually happened, but my heavy breathing and racing pulse told me it had. Edward rested his forehead against mine and stared straight into my eyes.

"Bella. I can't. I'm sorry," he took a step backward.

"Oh. Right. You don't love me," I reminded myself as I spun on my heels and ran for the door before he could see the tears in my eyes or the pain on my face.

"Why does he keep doing this to me? His mood swings are starting to give me whiplash," I sighed to Alice that afternoon.

"Do you honestly want to know?"

_Did I? Yes. _I decided. _I did. _

"Yes," I said, trying to sound sure.

"He's fighting an internal battle…"

"Of what?"

"Of what he should do. Of what he wants and what's right by you," she told me. All of a sudden it clicked in my mind.

"Alice…you aren't trying to tell me he still loves me are you? Or that he ever loved me," I added.

"Bella. That is exactly what I am trying to tell you."

"Wait. Hold on. I am so confused. He told me, very bluntly, that he no longer loved me. He looked me in the eye and said 'I don't love you anymore'," I reminded her.

"Bella. He is trying to _protect _you."

"Protect me? He broke my heart," I said as the first tears ran down my cheek. "And then he speaks to me today about me fucking some loser I picked up at that club the other night. And then he grabs my hand, I spin around and he kisses me," I said as I replayed that scene over and over in my head.

"He's trying to protect your future. And his. He knows that it's against the rules, and Edward is very old fashioned from what I've heard. He likes to follow the rules," she told me. I had to agree that he was old fashioned. Some of the things he said sounded like they were from Jane Austen's time.

"So he'd rather break my heart than break the rules?" I clarified.

"Bella. I don't know him so well. I'm not sure what's going on in that pretty little head of his. But I know for a fact that he is still very much in love with you."

"How do you know that, Alice?"

"Just trust me. You will end up together in the end. True love always finds a way."

"Yeah. You said that about Mike too," I reminded her.

"But Bella, he didn't love you. You thought you loved him, but he didn't love you. That's not true love. That's just a silly crush. What you and Edward have is real."

"Had," I muttered.

"Isabella Marie Swan. Look at me," she said. I looked up. "You are a strong, beautiful, independent woman. Not to mention you're sexy as hell. Like, I mean, if I were a lesbian and you were a lesbian…" she trailed off. "Never mind. Back to my point. Where was I again?"

"Strong, beautiful, independent woman…" I recited for her.

"Oh yeah. You're a strong, beautiful, independent woman. Any guy would be crazy as hell to give you up."

"So now edward's crazy?"

"Shut up and listen."

"Sorry."

"We have to make him jealous. But not by having you fake orgasming. We need to find you a boyfriend. And we need Rosalie. We're gonna have a girls day. Followed by a girls night," she squealed as she got up off my bed to grab her cell. She punched in some numbers in the keypad. I really didn't like girls days. They involved shopping. But if it was going to be with Edward's sister, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"Rosie," Alice squealed over-excitedly into her phone. "We're having a girl's day. And a girl's night," she jumped up and down. "Me, you and Bella…Because Bella's in love with your brother…Yeah. I will tell you the whole story tomorrow…Alright…No Emmett. You can't come," I chuckled at that bit. What was my bid teddy bear of a brother going to do without Rosalie for a day? "Alright. I'll pick you up at 7," Seven?! SEVEN?! Seriously. Ugh. "Bye. I love ya…alright…you too," and with that, she clicked her phone shut and came to sit on the bed. I just stared at her.

"What?" she asked, obviously confused.

"Seven?" I asked in a high pitched squeak.

"Bella. You need to become a morning person. I can't deal with your morning grumpiness anymore," she told me sternly. "Hmm," she thought aloud.

"What?"

"Nothing," she smirked, continuing deep into her own thoughts.

"Alice," I warned her.

"I was just thinking," she trailed off.

"About what?"

"Well…I was wondering…"

"If?"

"If you would be a morning person if you got to fuck Edward every night before falling asleep in his arms. I think you would be. Waking up next to that god like man would make rainbows and lollipops look like suicide. But I have Jasper. And that's plenty enough for me. So you don't need to worry," she smiled sweetly.

"Thank you for that insight into your relationship with my other best friend. And just so you know…that is never going to happen. The waking up to Edward naked in my bed smelling of sex. Because he doesn't love me and he doesn't want me."

"I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that last part. And as for the first part. Your welcome. You want any more details?" she offered. I smiled sweetly at her before responding immediately.

"No."

"Okay then." After that we fell into our own thoughts for a while.

"Alice?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Sure, Bella. Any time." She smiled at me.

"Thank you."

"No worries. I just have to go call Jasper."

"Oh. Did you have plans?"

"Well…umm…yeah…sort of," she muttered coherently.

"Oh. Then you should go. I just didn't think you would be doing anything. Silly me."

"Bella. I want to spend time with you," she smiled.

"You can do that tomorrow. Go have fun with Jasper," I told her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I smiled, even thought I wasn't sure. I was sure that I didn't want to be alone tonight, but I couldn't stop Alice from having fun. That was just mean and sadistic of me.

"Okay," she smiled. Well, I better get going, she said as she got up and gathered her things.

"Yeah. Go have fun," I smiled weakly at her.

"I will. And I'll see you tomorrow at 6.30." I groaned and crawled under my blankets. "Not gonna walk me to the door?" Alice teased.

"Nope. I have to get some sleep," my muffled voice came out from the covers. In all honesty I wanted to curl up in a little ball and just cry myself to sleep. I had held the tears in (mostly) for a week now, and I just had to let them go. So as soon as I heard the door to my apartment open and close, that's what I did. I cried and cried and cried until I slept. In my dreams I was crying for my dad. What was I going to do without him? He had been there for me whenever I needed him. Well, I'd always liked to think so. The truth was, the older I got, the more he buried himself in his work. I tried not to notice, but I did. And I couldn't figure out why. I always wondered if we would grow closer after college, but now I will never know. After I cried in my dream, the rest of my sleep was dreamless. Luckily for me.

**AN – Short AN today, as it's 1am and I am sick and have work tomorrow. Not to mention I am EXHAUSTED. Exams take a lot out of you when you try hard. =| anyways. I know a few of you weren't too happy with my last chapter. I am sorry about that, but I had to make it happen in order to create the first part of this chapter. I hope you forgive me. And if not, then I'm sorry. =[ **

**Next chapter is girls day and night. Lots of Edward discussion. And who doesn't love Rose, Alice and Bella getting together to hook Edward and Bella up?! Well…attempt to hook them up. Hahahaha. I'm evil. I know.**

**I HOPE to have the next chapter up by the end of this weekend (and because it is a long weekend, because I'm from Australia and we aussie's like any excuse to sit around and drink beer [aka a public holiday], the weekend ends on Monday.) Now. This isn't a promise for a new update in 2 days, but I will try my very hardest. Sometimes these things just don't work or happen. **

**Finally, and you all know this part. R-E-V-I-E-W! pretty please with naked edward on top?!**

**Ok. I love you all. **

**Xoxo**

**Keet =]**

**p.s. that wasn't that short, was it?! ^^^ LOL… oops. **


	13. I Don't Know What I Want So Don't Ask Me

"Wakey wakey eggs and bakey," Alice's sing-song voice rang out. I just rolled over and covered my head with a pillow. "Bella. It's time to get up. Today is Edward day," she tried. I just groaned and curled up in the foetal position. "Alright. This nice stuff isn't working," she paused. "Bella. Get you arse out of this bed _right_ now or I will go and get Edward to do it." At that I sat straight upright.

"I'm up. I'm up," I swore to her.

"Huh! Never knew it would work that well. I have to store it in there somewhere," she said, pointing to her head of black spiky hair. I just death glared at her. Mornings suck.

25 minutes later we were in Alice's beloved car speeding towards Rose's house. I was beginning to freak out. _What if his sister didn't like me?_ _I mean, we only met a couple of times and we barely talked when we did. _I must've looked horrified, because Alice looked like she was just about to whack me over the head.

"Bella!" she exclaimed. _Oh, right. She must've been calling me. _

"What?" I answered shortly.

"What are you thinking? You looked dismayed."

"Alice," I started. "What if she doesn't like me? What if Edward's sister doesn't like me?" I rambled on.

"Firstly, her name is Rosalie. And secondly. You're Emmett's sister, so she's probably thinking the same thing," Alice explained. I breathed a sigh of relief. She did have a point. Not that I cared that she was dating Emmett. It took him off my hands. And for that, I would be forever thankful. I loved my brother, of course I did. But sometimes, he was more handful than ten 2 year olds on sugar highs. Since being with Rose, though, he has settled down. She has some sort of power over him. God knows how.

"Well," I decided. "I like her."

"Good. Because I won't have you 2 at each other, or ignoring each other for 24 hours. If that was going to be the case, I would've seriously kicked both of your asses." I gulped. Alice was one scary little woman. We pulled up in front of an amazing house. Well, I would call it a mansion. It was like the white house with a few less rooms.

"She lives here?!" I exclaimed questioningly.

"Yep. Nice, aii?" Alice smiled up at the big three storey house. _Mansion_.

"Wow," was all I could say.

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you wanted to have a look," Alice offered.

"Not today. Next time. I mean, I'm sure I'll see it soon enough anyway, with Emmett and all." We sat there for a few minutes.

"Yeah. Well, do you wanna go get her by yourself, or do you want me to come with you?" Alice asked. "Because sitting here and staring is not doing anything to progress this day."

"Oh. Right. Umm. I'll go," as I said this, the front door opened and closed and Rose came running out. "Or maybe I won't." I laughed. Rose opened the door and climbed in the back seat. **(AN - I know porches only have the two front seats, but please be imaginative.) **

"Bella, Rose. Rose, Bella," Alice introduced us.

"Alice. You do realise that we already met, right?"

"Yeah. But you barely spoke both those times and so I decided to introduce you again and I just hope we all get along really well and are great friends and…" she rambled on so fast that I couldn't understand what she was saying.

"Alice, breathe," I told her sternly. She took a deep breath and smiled thankfully to me. Rose just laughed. A couple of minutes silence played out uneventfully as we headed toward the mall before Rose broke it with her soft and velvety voice. _Just like Edward's_, I thought.

"So. You like my brother?" She asked.

"Love," I replied timidly.

"Ok. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Back up. Start at the start. I need to know the whole story," she said excitedly. Oh great! Another gossip girl queen. Now I knew why Alice and her got along so well.

"Ok. Well you know how we met," I told her.

"Tell me again, anyway," she begged.

"Ok. Alice forced me to go to the Yale ball, even though I really didn't want to. And the ball was to meet your professors. I had met three of them. They all seemed nice enough. As I headed to the last table to meet an Edward Cullen, I looked up. There he was. I wasn't sure if he was real, or if my mind was imagining things. I walked slowly up to him and resisted the urge to touch his face. He was like an angel. So god-like. And then he spoke," I sighed as I remembered his first words to me.

I told Rose the rest of our story and she sighed.

"It's just like a romance novel. And in romance novels, the two people who love each other always end up together," Rose said dreamily.

"The rest is still being written," Alice stated.

"Alice," I started. "Can't you just face the fact that some stories have a crappy ending? That sometimes things just don't work the way you want them to?"

"Bella. Edward is still in love with you," she told me firmly.

"Alice. No. He. Isn't," I said shortly. "He looked into my eye and told me he didn't love me anymore. How many times do we have to go through this?"

"As many as it takes for you to realise that what I'm telling you is the truth," she smiled.

"I think he still loves you, too," Rose cut in. "I know this may not be my place, because I have only just met you, but Alice is right. When he was with you he was so happy. He couldn't get the smile off his face. These past couple of weeks, he has been so flat. So dead. He's there in body, but not in mind. I will bet my entire inheritance that my brother is still very much in love with you."

"Well. You obviously don't need that money then," I smiled weakly. _What if the two minions were right?_ Before I had any more time to ponder this, we arrived at the mall and I got out of the car. I saw Alice and Rose in there whispering something quickly. I just ignored it.

**APOV**

"Alice. To be sure, I need to see how he acts around her," Rose whispered to me.

"Tonight we'll go back to your place and you will ring him and tell him to come over," I smiled devilishly. "You should see them when they're together. There's so much intensity. So much passion. Sparks fly everywhere and there's so much heat there that sometimes I think I have to call the fire brigade," I explained as I sighed dreamily. I had Jasper, and I loved him so much, but I was so excited for Bella. She had never had a boyfriend before. She had one in Junior year, but he was an asshole. They lasted about three days, so nothing really progressed. In senior year, I got us fake ID's and we went clubbing. She ended up so drunk and took a guy back to her place and she lost her virginity. I felt so awful, but she put on a brave mask. She said she was 'fine'. Anyway, now she was in college and she was going to get Edward and I was so excited. Bella was finally going to get her happy ending. And Rose seemed to love Bella just as much as I did. Today was going to be an awesome day.

**BPOV**

We walked into the shopping mall and Alice squealed as soon as she saw the word _SALE. _It was going to be a long, long day. She dragged me into every shop and gave me clothes to try on. I didn't complain in fear that Alice would hurt me. And then she bought the clothes for me. I protested repeatedly and she told me to shut it. I just groaned frustratedly at her. The last shop that we went in to was Victoria's Secret. Brilliant. Edward's sister, and Emmett's girlfriend was going to see what underwear I wore. Alice ran through and grabbed every second item off the hangers, including some garters and suspenders. Oh god. This was so embarrassing.

"Alice. I don't want to wear this. If you buy it for me, I will not wear it," I told her sternly from inside the dressing room.

"Bella. Do you want to make Edward jealous? Do you want to make him realise that he really can't stay away from you? Do you want to make him want to fuck the brains out of you until he physically can't anymore?" Alice asked me firmly.

"I think he wants to do that anyway," I heard Rose mutter. I stepped out of the change room in a midnight blue lace set extremely shyly. Alice and Rose stood gaping at me.

"You should wear underwear everywhere," Rose said.

"I agree," Alice nodded.

"Alice. You've seen me in my underwear so many times that it's no longer embarrassing," I reminded her.

"Bella. That colour on your skin. It's amazing. There is no other word for it. Next time we come shopping, I am going to buy you a lot of midnight blue coloured stuff and then parade you in front of Edward," Rose said sweetly.

"No. No, no, no, no, no. I refuse to be a guinea pig. And I'm not going to have a wardrobe of one colour," I told her sternly, changing my glares between her and Alice.

"Fine," Alice gave. "But on Monday, you are wearing what I tell you to wear, and you will wear makeup and you will let me do your hair," she told me.

"But…"

"No buts." I just sighed.

"Operation: get Edward back has begun," Alice squealed excitedly. I groaned and gave Alice all the lingerie that she was buying for me.

"Alice. I just want to go home. Please?" I begged her as she handed her black American Express over the counter.

"Not yet. We're going to Rose's first," she smiled and I caught the sparkle in her eye. _Good god. What was she up to now?_

"Fine. But I don't want any funny stuff. I am exhausted and I just want to sleep," I told her unsympathetically. We had been here for almost 9 hours.

"We promise," they both said together, too fast for me to believe them. I let it drop anyway. I trudged out of the shop and toward the gleaming yellow Porsche in the parking lot. On the way to Rose's, Alice and Rose spoke about _America's Next Top Model._ I groaned. As we pulled into Rose's drive, I jumped out of the car and waited for Rose and Alice to step out so we could go inside. It was starting to get chilly outside. As they stepped out of Alice's pride and joy, Rose was flicking through her phone, before placing it to her ear. I followed her up the drive and she unlocked the door, stepping aside to let us in. Alice dragged me into the room to the left of the entry and I could hear Rose murmuring in a hushed whisper to whoever she had on the phone, but that was soon forgotten as I took in the huge, elegant room around me.

**RPOV**

"Edward?" I whispered into the phone.

"What's up?" His flat voice said.

"I need you to come over," I told him. "Now."

"Is everything alright?" he asked, worry covering his dead tone.

"Everything's fine. I just need…some help to…set up some furniture," I stumbled.

"Rose," he warned.

"What?"

"What are you really up to?"

"Nothing. I just bought a lot of furniture today and I can't set it up. I suck at using drills, remember?"

"That I do," he said. "You are a strange woman. You can fix cars better than any mechanic I know, but you can't use a drill," he laughed, but it sounded forced.

"So will you come over now?" I pleaded.

"I guess. Not like I have anything better to do," he said sadly. I sighed. I could already tell that he was in love with Bella.

"Alright. See you in 10?"

"Rose. It's me driving," he reminded me.

"Oh. Yeah. I'll see you in 5."

"If," he added before the line went dead.

**BPOV**

I was completely awestruck as I continued to gape at the room before me.

"Wow," I muttered countless times. "Just…wow," I sighed. From the marble floors to the crisp white walls to the amazing chandelier hanging from the roof to the large dark wood dining table with the vase of freshly picked flowers in the centre, I had never seen anything like it.

"Bella," Alice said, cutting through my thoughts.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, still transfixed by the beauty of the house. I had never seen anything so beautiful. Then I remembered Edward. I sighed. _Edward._

"I know it's 'wow', but can we continue the tour yet?"

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry." Alice led me through another doorway and we stepped into the kitchen. This room had the same marble floors and crisp white walls, and the best kitchen set up I had ever seen. We continued through the house, the next room shocking me just as much as the last. We climbed the marble staircase to the next floor. This was the entertainment floor. There was a games room, complete with a 60 inch plasma screen and enough controllers to keep Emmett satisfied forever more. There was also a pool table and a few other games tables. The next area hosted a large and elegant bar with every alcoholic beverage that I could imagine. There was a large gambling table in the corner and then Rose lead us through a door at the end of the room. Home theatre. There was 6 rows of tiered seating and a small bar, along with a popcorn machine and a soda machine off to the right of the room. There was a plush red carpet beneath my feet and a glistening gold colour on the walls. Then a voice so familiar and so heartbreakingly perfect broke through my thoughts.

_Edward._

**AN – Two updates in two days. You should be proud. I am. xD I was so excited to get this chapter written up that I did it in just 4 and a half hours. I know I said that the girl's day and night would be in this chapter, but if I did include both, the chapter would have been huge, and you wouldn't have been able to read this part of it already. I am happy with how this chapter ended up (I hope you are too.) It appears that when I'm sick, I write robotically. Be grateful. =] **

**Thank you to those who reviewed last chapter. It really made my day, and I couldn't get the smile off my face…even though I am sick. My mum thought I was on something. I told her people liked my story and she called me weird. Yeah. We have one of those relationships. xD alrighty. I am going to stop talking now and let you get back to doing…whatever you want to do. =]**

**Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please review. I don't mean to sound desperate…well…okay…I do. Reviews really do help me in getting chapters out faster (those who write will know what I am talking about) and they make me overly happy. And whenever I get a review I'm like HELL TO THE YEAH! And mum walks past and goes 'you feeling okay?' and I say I'm fan-tas-tic-al! and she looks at me and laughs. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please review. Please review. Please review. Please review. Next chapter will be up when I get 10 reviews. (yeah. I am that mean.) =] you love me for it, really. **

**Xoxo**

**Keet =]**


	14. Before You Let It All Go

**EPOV**

"Rose," I called out again.

"Up here, Edward," she called back. I started toward the stairs and as I reached them, I saw her beginning to descend.

"Where's this furni-" I froze as my eyes landed on the most beautiful human being, who stood whispering frustratedly to Alice. She looked almost…angry. She looked at the floor, defeated, as Rose thought up some excuse, I guess.

"Rose?" I questioned wearily in a tone that screamed 'what the hell is going on here?'.

"Yes?" she smiled innocently at me, batting her eyelashes for added effect.

"What am I doing here, really?" This question had her stumped. She looked caught between two excuses. I sighed audibly and looked at the floor. Bella Swan; my angel; my love, was here, and I felt my heart do a backwards somersault, as it always did in her presence.

"I…couldn't find my…movie and I was wondering if you had it?" I looked at her sceptically.

"What movie?" I challenged. Silence.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" she asked me seriously. I nodded and followed her into the kitchen, leaving Alice and my Bella on the stair case. _My Bella? I gave up that right when I turned her down on my front doorstep._

"Rose?" I treaded carefully. "Care to explain why I'm really here?" _Though I had a pretty good idea._

"I just need to know something," she started uneasily. I just looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

"Rose…is this about Bella?"

"Yes," she said timidly. Rose was never timid, so I knew she was frightened of my reaction to her confession.

"What do you want to know?" I sighed, exasperated. "And none of it leaves this kitchen, do you hear me?" She nodded her understanding before voicing her questions.

"Do you love her?" I nodded sadly. I had lied to her. I had crushed her.

"How could I not?" was my genius response.

"Then why did you lie to her?"

"I had to."

"Why, Edward? She's crushed. Into a million tiny pieces. She may put on a brave smile for the outside world, but inside, she's broken and she's hurting more than anyone should ever hurt. She's just lost her father, and now the man she loves threw her love back in her face. Not only that, but she has to see him, you, everyday. You're her mentor, but she wishes you were so much more." I had tears in my eyes now. "But now, now you may be too late. You may have just lost the best thing that has ever happened to you," she finished. Rose had always been good at reading people, but this just ripped my heart out of my chest, stomped all over it, before lighting it on fire. How could I have done this to her? What sort of sick, masochistic person does that to the person they love? I do.

"Rose. It's her future. It's _my_ future. I can't risk her future for a relationship that may or may not work. Do you not see where I am coming from?"

"Oh, Edward. I do. But she doesn't care about that. She wants the man whom she loves dearly. She doesn't want a life, a career, if she can't have you." I pondered over this for a moment.

"Are you saying that she doesn't want to live her life without me in it?"

"Exactly. But you may have just gone past the point of no return. There's this boy, Jacob, who's in some of her classes, and I think she might be considering taking up his offer of a romantic date." At this, my blood boiled. I felt my hands fist and my muscles tense as if preparing for a fight. I was seeing red. Imagining my Bella with another man was my own personal hell. _She's not 'your Bella' anymore_, I reminded myself. _Dammit._

"Edward?" Rose asked worriedly, taking a cautious step toward me. I must've had a murderous expression on my face. With good reason.

"I don't want her to date _anyone_. Especially that _dog_ Jacob Black."

"Well you gave up that right. I'm sorry Edward, but you made the decision and now you're dealing with the consequences. You're too late. Bella has moved on, and maybe you should too," and with that said, she retreated back to Bella and Alice and they laughed at something one of them said, while I remained standing shell-shocked, staring out the window. After a few moments, I left the kitchen and walked out the front door.

The rest of my weekend went by without anything happening and then it was Monday again. Bella's lecture hall first. _Joy._ At least they were giving their oral presentations today, so I could stare at Bella with no one knowing what I was thinking, and no one thinking it was inappropriate. I heard her soft laughter fill the air, and my pants immediately tightened. _Damn this effect she has on me_. Every day after her lecture hall, I would have to leave to…relieve myself.

"Oh, Jacob. You're a funny one," she told him sweetly and I watched as her hand went to his shoulder. Jacob sobered a moment later and turned to her.

"Bella?" he asked timidly. _Grow some balls_.

"What's up?"

"Umm…I was just…umm…" he trailed off.

"What is it?" She placed a reassuring hand on his arm. _Fucking brilliant._

"I just wanted to know…I was just wondering…do you wanna go out…with me?" _No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. N-_

"Sure," she smiled brightly. _Fuck_. I felt the pain ripping at my chest, and it was all I could do not to break down in front of my now seated, watching and expectant class.

"Excuse me for a moment, please?" I asked of the class as I headed toward the door that leads to my office. I heard a few murmurs behind me, but I couldn't concentrate on them. _Suck it up, Edward. This is what you wanted for her. Now she can have love and a future. Get your sad and sorry arse back out there and listen to the presentations. Now!_ I jumped back up from my chair, sucked in a deep breath and entered the room again.

"Sorry about that, guys," I apologized. The murmuring stopped and they all faced toward me again. "As you know, the presentations are today, and you will be selected at random, by me," I said, trying to put some life into my voice, but failing miserably. First up, we will have…" I looked down my class list. "Jacob Black," I smirked. _Suck shit, loser,_ I thought, inappropriately. I knew I wouldn't base my marking on anything other than the content and research in the presentation, but I couldn't help but hope that this dog failed. _That wouldn't give Bella a good future_, I told myself. I must admit, I was overreacting. They hadn't even gone out on one date yet. _Edward! Breathe, and listen._ I sat and listened to a few more people give their presentations. I was impressed at the devotion that the students had put into researching.

"Next up we will have…Isabella Swan," I looked at her, and her eyes connected with mine. She smiled weakly before fumbling her way to the stage at the front of the room.

"I have to say that I started this assignment with a great deal of scepticism," she started and her heavenly voice filled the air. "Because of this, I deliberately chose one of Shakespeare's plays that I remembered as having a particularly vibrant and articulate female character who seemed to shape to the agenda. I was certain that this play would absolutely refute the charge that Shakespeare wrote ideologically and from the perspective of the patriarchy. The play is 'As You Like It' and the character, is Rosalind," after her introduction, I got so caught up in Bella that her speech was pushed to the back of my mind. The way she used her hands to describe something, and the way she pushed her hair behind her shoulders whenever it fell over her beautiful face. Even the way she paced across the stage when she was trying to prove a point and her brow furrowed when she lost her tracking for a moment. "Rosalind flees her uncle and goes to the Forest of Arden disguised as a man in order to protect herself. This allows her to test and tense her suitor, Orlando, by warning him, in her guise as a man, of all the supposed frailties of womankind. Women, she tells him, are 'changeable, proud, capricious, apish, shallow, inconstant, full of tears, full of smiles, now liking him, now loathing him, now weeping for him, now spitting at him.' I got excited as I read it for surely Rosalind requires Orlando to disagree, but no, Orlando reacts to this checklist _approvingly_. This is exactly the woman that Rosalind proceeds to _become_. She pines, she sighs, she gets paranoid he might run off with another woman, gets distraught when he's late, faints when she hears he's been injured and is so desperate to get married that she organises the wedding herself and tells Orlando," she paused at this point and looked directly at me. "'To you I give myself, for I am yours'." After a moment, she broke the eye contact between us and I felt a slight flutter of hope in the pit of my stomach. _Did she really mean to disguise her feelings for me in her presentation?_ "Patriarchal ideology has fashioned the characters, the values, and the very structure of this play. Professor Cullen's assertion that literature is essentially ideological couldn't, in my opinion, have been better illustrated." I was blown away. Bella Swan was smart, funny, witty, beautiful, sexy, cute and she loved me. But after her amazing end to her astonishing speech, I still couldn't help but recite that line in my mind over and over.

_To you I give myself, for I am yours_

What did she mean by that?

**AN: I am so sorry that it took a while to get this chapter up. I was astounded by the amount of reviews I received for the last chapter in such a little time. By the end of the day, I had my 10 reviews, but I still had to write this chapter, so I apologise sincerely to you all that had to wait. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I will try my hardest to get another one up in the next few days. If not, please don't kill me. School is still kicking my ass. =[ **

**Anyway. A whole chapter in Edward's POV. I find it a lot harder to write in his POV sometimes, which is why this chapter took longer to complete than it otherwise would have . I hope it was readable and please let me know what you loved and what you thought was crap. It helps. Lots. =]**

**Please review. I am pleading with you. Begging. Because I can. I will give you all virtual cookies if you review. Freshly baked. Chocolate chip. Please? =]**

**Shall we say...15 reviews for the next chapter? I know you guys can do it. I have faith in you. =]**

**Xoxo**

**Keet =]**


	15. Author's Note

Hey Guys.

I am so, so, so sorry that I haven't updated in a couple of months. Life has been crazy and hectic and so, so busy. I also have a bit of writers block, which doesn't help when I get a chance to sit down and add some more to the next chapter. -.-

I am working on the new chapter whenever I can, so as I can get it up for you guys to read. I'm still not sure when it will be up, but I am hoping it will be up within the next week.

I hope that you can forgive me for being such a bad author. After all, you guys are the reason that I write my imagination on paper.

I hope you continue to read this story. All of you mean everything to me.

Please continue to read and review.

Also, thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed thus far. You're all wonderful. =]

Talk to you all soon.

xxx

Keet =]


	16. As Far As You Know I'm Over You

I heard a knock on my door. As I pulled it open, I gasped. Edward, in all his glory and perfection, stood before me.

"Uh…" I stated, shocked.

"Bella," he sighed sadly. "I need to talk to you." I raised my eyebrows at him. _Talk. Seriously?!_

"Well considering it's Monday tomorrow, and you don't want anything to do with me outside professor/student relationships, you can _talk_ to me tomorrow with all your other _students_," I told him before shutting the door firmly in his face. I turned and started to walk back to the kitchen, when I heard another knock on my door. Ugh. What did he _want_?!

"What?!" I all but yelled at a stunned looking Jacob as I wrenched the door open. _Oops_. "Uh. Hey. Jake," I smiled awkwardly. "Sorry about…that," I said as my fingers fumbled with the air.

"Is someone bothering you, Bella?" I don't know why, but Jake didn't have the same effect on me when he said my name as Edward did. And that frightened me. _Of course it _frightens _you, _I thought. _You're in love with your professor who doesn't want anything to do with you. _Then the annoying side of my brain spoke up. _Then what was he doing on my doorstep 2 minutes ago wanting to _talk_? _I looked up to see Jake looking expectantly at me. Oh. Right. He asked me a question. _Think Bella, think._

"No. it's ok. I'm pretty sure I got rid of him for good. Come in, come in," I ushered him inside and closed the door, following him into my living area.

"So…what brings you here?" I asked him curiously.

"Do I need an excuse to visit my pretty girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend? Really? I didn't get that memo," I teased. In all honesty, it made me feel awkward and uncomfortable for him to have such an attachment to me already, but I just laughed it off and acted like it didn't bother me. Jake was a good friend, but I didn't feel that connection to him. And I felt unspeakably awful for using him to make Edward jealous. But I had to do what I had to do to at least try to get Edward back. He was my Romeo. My reason for living. My Ying. I had involuntarily given him my heart, and now he was poisoning it. Taking the life out of it. Out of me. It was his to toy with and fuck with all he wanted. And he did that well.

"Well, if you ask me, when you agreed to go out with me, you also agreed to be my girlfriend. That's how I see it." Jake spoke up. _Oh. Shit. I am a bad, bad, awful human being. _

"Oh, okay," the room grew awkward.

"Do you wanna do something…together…today?"

"Umm…I would love to," _lie. _"But I have a lot of assignments due next week and I really wanna get them finished." His face fell and I felt so guilty, but school came before relationships. _With one exception_, I thought.

After I sent Jake home, I got onto my assignments, and although I spent most of the day thinking of Edward Cullen, time passed and I noticed that it was getting darker outside. I must've been sitting down for hours. My legs and back were stiff, and my stomach was protesting about the lack of food. I headed toward the kitchen in search of some sustenance. Just as I put on a pot of pasta to boil, my phone blared into the silence. Emmett flashed across the screen.

"Hey Em. What's up?" I said as cheerfully as I could.

"Hey Bells," he paused. "So Rosie's mum has invited me and you and Ali over for dinner at their house," he told me really fast.

"O…k…" I said, not really understanding why Emmett seemed nervous about telling me. And then it clicked. _Edward._ "Oh." I stated dumbly.

"I'm sorry Bells. Esme wouldn't take no for an answer."

"No. It's okay. It'll be fine," I tried to defend, mostly for my own benefit. "I'll be fine," I murmured.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to," Emmett tried.

"No. It's fine. Can you let…uh…"

"Esme."

"Can you let Esme know that I'll be bringing a…friend?" I asked quietly, unsure how Emmett would react.

"Sure. Who is he?"

"Jacob Black."  
"Ahk."

"When is it, anyway?"

"This Saturday."

"Okay." I had six days to prepare for this _family_ dinner. "See you later, Em."

"Take care, Bells."

I turned back to my pot of pasta on the stove and found myself wondering if that was the reason Edward came to my door this morning. Before I realised what I was doing, I had the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" His amazing voice came through the receiver. "Bella?" The way he said my name made me weak at the knees.

"Uh. Sorry. Hi." I stated after I had recovered slightly.

"Bella…Why are you ringing me?"

"Can you please come over? I need to talk to you for a moment."

"Uh…Sure. I guess. See you in a minute." And with that the line went dead. I turned the pasta off and was draining it when the doorbell rang.

"It's open." I called out. And in walked Adonis himself.

"Bella? What's this about?"

"I just needed to ask you something," I started.

"I'm trying very hard to keep up with you. First you yell at me and slam a door in my face, and then you ring asking me to come over because you need to ask me something. Your mood swings are giving me whiplash," he said, confusion and frustration written across his features.

"I could say the same to you," I mumbled.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know damn well what it means, Professor Cullen," I said, my voice venomous.

"No. Bella. I don't think I do."

"Well, let me refresh your memory, Sir," I started, angrily. As angry as I was, the only thing I could focus on was Edward's kissable lips. _Stop it, Bella. Just stop it._ "You tell me you love me. Then, when I tell you that I love you too, you turn around and tell me that you don't love me anymore. Does this sound at all familiar, Professor Cullen?" I said, taking a step closer to him. We were mere inches apart now, our heaving chests almost coming in contact with each other at each inhale. I wanted to run my hands down that perfectly chiselled chest. _Enough!_ I yelled at myself. "You say _my_ mood swings are giving you whiplash?! Think about me for a moment here. You don't love me. I understand that. I'm over it. Whatever. I faced that fact a while ago. God knows how you fall in and out of love with someone within a week. _One week, _Edward. I honestly don't know how you did it. Because I am still so desperately in love with you," I stopped suddenly. _Did I say that last part out loud?_ The look on his face told me that I did. _Crap_. "Uh…I mean…" _Shit. Crap. Shit_. Edward cupped my cheek in his hand and forced my gaze to his emerald orbs. I could feel myself drowning rapidly in their depths. I cast my gaze toward the floor just in time and Edward dropped his hand and took a small step away from me.

"You're wrong," he mumbled.

"What do you mean I'm _wrong_?" I questioned harshly.

"Nothing. Never mind." He responded quickly.

"Stop it. Just…Stop it. All of it. Stop this mumbling and stop touching me and saying nice things to me, because it makes me think I have a chance with you when I so very clearly don't. One day I will fall out of love with you, Edward Cullen, and when I do, I will start smiling again. And when you are seventy or eighty and you think about the girl you toyed with in college, you will remember the day she started smiling again; the day she fell out of love with you. And you will sit and wonder where I am then. Maybe I will be married with three kids and some beautiful grandchildren. Or maybe I will be sitting in my rocking chair on my front porch thinking about when I was in college and my college professor led me on, told me he loved me, and then told me he didn't love me all in the course of 2 weeks and then I will finally realise that it was all a load of bullshit. Maybe I will realise that love is just an overrated waste of time. And then, do you know what I will do then?"

"No. What will you do, Bella?" He questioned.

"I will think about the day I started smiling again."

**AN: BELOVED LOYAL READERS: Thank you SO much for hanging on and waiting so very patiently for me to get this chapter up. I worked on it as much as I possibly could. Life has been so so so hectic lately, and I don't know if it will slow down after this chapter is up, so I can't tell you when the next chapter will be up. I really hope it will be within the next week. Keep those fingers crossed with me? And keep reviwing. =]**

**Thank you so much to all those who reviewed last chapter. It really helped me out with this chapter. I had a lot of difficulty with it and re-wrote it several times, and without my knowing that people out there were enjoying the story and waiting for the chapter, it never would have been finished. So thank you so much. I owe all of you.**

**Please review. **

**And take the time to smile at a stranger. It might just make their day. :D**

**Over and out.**

**Xoxo**

**Keet =]**

**P.S. Sorry about the shortness of the chapter. It was this length up now, or longer length up god knows when. Please forgive me?! **


	17. I Know You See What You're Doing To Me

**AN – This chapter is dedicated to Dark-Whispers_1901 for one of the sweetest, most amazing reviews I have ever received. Thank you.**

Edward stood there; staring at me, mouth agape and eyes focussed intently on my face. After a few minutes of awkward silence, I decided to speak again.

"Do you want to know why I called you here or what?" I sighed. Edward shook his head clear of his reverie and mumbled a hushed 'yes'.

"I know why you came here this morning," I started. His eyes lit up in surprise, and I was quite sure I saw a flash of horror on his features.

"You do?" He muttered.

"I mean…if you don't want me to go, then I don't have to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable," I trailed off.

"Oh. You mean the dinner on Saturday night?" Realisation on his face.

"Yeah? What did you think I meant?" I was confused now.

"Oh. Nothing. I'm fine with the dinner. You should come. Have fun. Meet my parents." He smiled. I bit my lip in concentration.

"Are you sure?" I said, looking up from under my lashes shyly.

"Yeah. I am. I – I gotta go," He said, before dashing out of my apartment.

"Nice talking to you, too," I muttered into the empty room as I turned back to my pasta. I sat and ate in silence and, shortly after, crawled into bed, exhausted from confusion. Just as I was drifting to sleep, I heard a knock on my door. I groaned and forced myself out of bed.

"I'm coming," I called out as whoever it was, knocked again.

I pulled the door open in a haste and saw Edward standing there in all his beauty.

"Bella," he said breathlessly. He eyed me up and down and that's when I realised that I was in my bra and panties, standing before Edward. I turned crimson as I made a move to get my coat.

"E-excuse me," I said as I shut the door for a moment, trying to regain some self control. I grabbed my coat and wrapped it around myself tightly, before reopening the door.

"Sorry about that. I…wasn't expecting you," I sighed.

"Obviously," I heard him mumble under his breath. The moment turned awkward and I couldn't help but wonder what had brought him to my door in the first place.

"So, umm…" I tried to get him to start talking. He continued to stare at me. "What're you doing here, Edward?" At the mention of his name, he shook his head.

"Uh, nothing. Sorry to bother you," he sighed and turned to walk away.

"Like hell you are," I yelled. "You don't come knocking on someone's door at 10 o'clock on Sunday night when you don't have anything to say or do," I was getting angrier by the second. I was angry at Edward, and I was angry at myself for caring about him enough to get angry at him. "So, I'll ask you again. What are you doing here?"

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," He sighed. And with that, he turned on his heel and made his way to the elevator. I watched his retreating form, before sighing and shutting my door. I crawled back into bed, thoughts of sleep gone for the while, and picked up my worn copy of Wuthering Heights.

EBEBEBEB

It was Wednesday afternoon and I was meeting Alice for coffee and a Danish at the coffee shop around the corner from the university campus, as we always did. I arrived before Alice, so I took the liberty of ordering her a coffee and chocolate Danish. The same as she ordered every other time. Alice walked in the door and spotted me at our regular table.

"So, I was walking through the mall," she paused as she kissed me on the cheek and gave me a quick hug hello. "And I saw that Louis Vuitton was having a spring/summer sale," I looked at her blankly. "_Louis Vuitton_."

"And…" I was waiting for her point.

"And we're going there. Right now. Come on. Lets go."

"Alice…I already ordered our coffee and Danishes."

"Oh. Well…can we get them to go? The sale starts in 23 minutes and 17 seconds. We have to be there. Come on, come on, come on," She ushered me to the counter and requested the order to be take-away.

I was being dragged through the mall at such a speed that if Alice didn't have such a secure hold on me, I would've been a floor mat by now. We got there a minute and a half before the sale was scheduled to start and Alice was so excited that I was about to slap her.

"Alice. Breathe. In. Out. Oxygen is good. Carbon Dioxide is bad. In with the good air. Out with the bad air. Before you start hyperventilating."

"Bella. Louis Vuitton. SALE!" She screeched, and I rubbed my ear in an attempt to get rid of the ringing sound.

"Woo," I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"Whatever. Nothing can ruin this moment for me. I am buying you a new wardrobe." I stopped right then.

"WHAT?" I yelled. "Alice. No. No, no, no, no, no. I don't want a new wardrobe. I am completely happy with my clothes. I don't need anymore clothes and I don't want any more clothes. Understand?" I told her firmly.

"Whatever." She said. I knew she was up to something and there was nothing I could do about it, so I decided to ignore the fact that when I got home tonight there would probably be bags and bags and bags of clothes throughout my apartment. The doors opened and a bunch of screaming girls ran past us screaming. I dragged my feet as I walked into the shop that wreaked havoc and madness. I headed to the sweaters section first. I may as well interest myself, if at all possible, while I was stuck here. I did see a dress that caught my eye in the dresses section, but I was not going any where near that area. If Alice saw me there, she'd buy me every dress on every rack. And she might have a stroke. Bella…looking at dresses? It would not comprehend properly in her hyperactive mind. I sighed and stood to the wall on the far side of the shop from the cashiers.

"Bella?" I heard my name and looked around, before Rosalie came in to my view.

"Rose!" I exclaimed.

"How are you?" She asked me.

"Oh. I'm okay, I guess. Alice dragged me here against my will and if she sees me looking at anything, it will be mine, all protests will not be heard. You know how she is," I told her honestly.

"Oh I do."

"How are you going?"

"I'm great. Really great," she smiled. "Emmett is great, too. He's worried about you, you know?"

"Yeah. I know. I wish he wouldn't worry though. I'm fine. Still alive, kicking and breathing."

"What about your heart Bella?"

"It's still beating."

"Are you sure?" She paused. "My brother had _no_ right to treat you like that. I have spoken to him about it, and just so you know, I'm on your side. I mean…"

"Rose. Please. Can we not talk about Edward?"

"Oh. Sorry," she said guiltily.

"No. It's fine. It's just, I think I'm over him, but every time someone mentions him, I feel like a fifteen year old with a crush on the captain of the football team. You probably don't know what I'm talking about, but it's okay, cause I do." I smiled slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, look at you. You wouldn't have had time to have a crush on a guy before they were yours." Rose's features saddened slightly and I worried about what I said.

"Bella, I didn't always look like this. I was the chubby girl of high school. You know, the one who sits alone in the cafeteria and gets picked on. I had braces and glasses and my hair was frizzy. I had the worst acne you could possibly imagine." I looked at her, my mouth agape, trying to imagine the person she was describing.

"What…what happened?" I stuttered, hoping that I wasn't pressing for anything too personal.

"I found myself a personal trainer, made an appointment at the hair salon and bought some contacts." I stared at her dumbfounded.

"Wow." I said, still shocked.

"And I met your brother when I went to the dermatologist – for my pimples. He was so sweet and cute, and he made me laugh. He didn't look at me from the outside. He saw what was on the inside." She smiled, slightly dazed.

"Haha. I bet Emmett was a real charmer. He is when he wants to be."

"Rosieeeeeee!" I heard a loud Alice-sounding screech, cutting off whatever Rose was going to say in return.

"Alice." Rose smiled happily. "How are you going, gorgeous?" She asked with a kiss to Alice's left cheek, then her right cheek.

"How do you think I'm going?" Alice joked. "Look at all this stuff." She giggled excitedly as she walked toward the sweaters I was looking at a few minutes beforehand.

"Right. Silly me," Rose mumbled to me, as we followed Alice to the table with the sweaters laid out, metaphorically saying '_pick me_'.

Alice 'ooed and ahhed' at all the sweaters; different colours, different styles, and, apparently, she had to have them all.

"Alice. Calm down. I think you have enough sweaters for the whole of America there in your arms. You don't need that many," I tried to reason with her. She looked at me and pouted.

"Who said they were for me?" My eyes lit up with the realisation of what Alice was getting at.

"Alice. No. no, no, no, no, and no," she looked at me like she had just been told someone ran over her puppy. I sighed in frustration. "Fine. Whatever. But don't expect me to wear…any…of them," I told her as I looked at the collection.

"Fine."

EBEBEBEB

We said our goodbyes to Rose after every table in the store had been cleared from Alice's mad shopping 'instincts', and most of the stuff, dare I say, was for me. Dresses, blouses, tops, pants, skirts, sweaters, jackets, jeans, handbags, accessories, you name it. She had won our debate, and so she thought that meant that she could buy me anything and everything in the store. Instead of wasting my energy on 'a pointless argument', as Rose pointed out, I decided to just let it go.

Rose's SUV was _filled_ with shopping bags. She was coming to my apartment to drop off all _my_ stuff. Unfortunately. Alice didn't understand why I wasn't talking to her.

I sighed as I hung up the last of the clothes in my now overcrowded wardrobe. I know I should be thankful. Alice spent a bloody fortune on me. She probably could've bought herself a house.

EBEBEBEB

The dreaded day came much too soon. The day I had been worrying about for the whole week was here. The day where I would have to sit at a dinner table with my boyfriend, the man I was in love with, his parents, my brother, my brother's girlfriend, who also happened to be the sister of the man who I was in love with and my best friend. _Joy. Well, here goes nothing._ I thought bitterly to myself.

**So, I haven't updated for SO long. Like, nearly a year and a half? For that, I apologise. Profusely. Since I last updated, I have graduated from high school, got a full time job and been accepted into university. **

**I don't know about all of you, but to me, not even that sounds like a good enough excuse to not update for SO long.**

**That is assuming that and of you out there are still reading it. :P**

**Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter. I love you all. **

**I am hoping to update again soon. -fingers crossed- :)**

**xoxo**

**Keet  
**


	18. Is it killing you like it's killing me?

I stood outside the HUGE house, mouth agape. Jacob was standing next to me, and I'm pretty sure his was even more agape than mine was. _This is where Edward grew up? Wow._

"Here goes nothing," I muttered to myself before taking my first step toward the mansion's front doorstep, Jake following behind me.

I knocked on the door timidly, and it seemed like half a second later, it swung open, and I was met with huge smiles from a beautiful short woman with red/brown hair, and a beautiful man with blonde hair and the looks of an Italian model.

"You must be Bella?" The woman questioned.

Up until that moment, I hadn't realised that I had just been standing there staring at the two most beautiful people in the world for the minute that the door had been open. I felt a pink blush creep onto my cheeks.

"Sorry. Yes," I said as I held out my hand for her to shake. "And this is Jake," I motioned.

"Oh. None of that nonsense," she said and before I realised what she meant, she was pulling me in for a hug. Alice style, nonetheless.

"Esme, darling, I think you're cutting off her airway," the man spoke for the first time, and his voice was just like Edward's – like velvet. In the moment after, Esme released me and I smiled shyly at her. Carlisle held out his hand and I placed mine in his, where he kissed it and bowed slightly. They then simply smiled politely at Jake and stepped aside to let us both inside their home.

I stood awkwardly in the main foyer unsure of which way to go in a house this big.

"Come in, come in," Esme ushered as she walked down one of the many large hallways. I followed behind her, with Jake behind me and Carlisle following us all. At the end of the hallway was the biggest, most beautiful kitchen I had ever seen, complete with the most beautiful man I had ever seen. Edward.

"Bells?" I heard Jake's voice next to me. I forced myself to look away from Edward's powerful gaze.

"Sorry," I apologised. "What was the question?" I asked Esme.

"That's okay, dear," she smiled, almost knowingly. "Can I get you a drink?"

"That would be really great, thank you." I said as I moved a couple more steps into the huge room.

"Jacob?" she asked

"Just a coke," Jake said. I noted that he didn't use any manners. By the look on Esme's face, it looked like she had noticed, too. She quickly regained her composure, though.

"Any preferences for you, Bella?"

"Whatever's easy for you is fine by me." I smiled. "Thank you," I said while looking at Jake pointedly. He moved uneasily.

I got dragged into Edward's topaz eyes again. _Dammit. _I thought. _This is going to be a very long, awkward dinner. _

"The rest of them will be here shortly," Carlisle stated. I managed to unwillingly bring myself to look at Carlisle. Not that Carlisle wasn't nice to look at. It was just that Edward, was, well, Edward.

"We're early?" I asked worriedly. "Em told me to come at 7," I sighed.

"No. You weren't early. What nonsense," Esme said as she handed me something in a martini glass filled with what smelt like a **lot** of vodka. I smiled gratefully at her. "The others are just running late. They called a few minutes before you two arrived."

We all stood there saying nothing as the awkward tension in the room grew bigger and bigger. I downed my drink and placed it on the corner of the bench.

"Where can I find your bathroom?" I asked Esme.

"I'll show you," Edward spoke for the first time since we'd arrived, his voice as silky smooth as new satin sheets.

_Oh crap. Here we go. _I followed Edward silently down a dimly lit hallway and up a set of stairs. Edward stopped outside a door suddenly, and turned around. We were chest to chest, face to face and it was taking _everything_ I had not to kiss him right there and then.

He gazed at me with the heat intensity of 100 fires. I took a small step backwards, not trusting myself.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why?" I repeated, confused.

"Why did you bring _him_ here?" he spat. I might've been imagining it, but I swear I saw pain behind the anger in his eyes. I decided to milk this as much as I could. It's not like he didn't deserve it.

"Because we're together and we're happy," I spat back. _Lie._ "And I asked if I could bring a plus one. If you have a problem with it, take it up with your Mum. But really, I don't know why you would have a problem with it. You aren't in love with me. You made that very clear. Or is this one of those 'If you can't have me, no one can' scenarios, only more fucked up?" I said angrily, attempting to keep my voice as quiet as I could.

"Oh, Bella, cut the crap," he sighed, exasperated. "Do you honestly think I just fell out of love with you?" he asked me seriously, softly. I looked directly into his eyes. _Big mistake._

"Ye-" I began to say, but then I thought better of it. The look in his eyes, the way he was touching my arm, I changed my answer. "No," I looked down at my feet, partly ashamed, but mostly, I just couldn't stand the fervour held in his gaze any longer.

He moved his hand that was on my arm down to hold my hand, as his other hand went under my chin. He lifted my face to look at him. I could feel his warm breath on my face. I tried to look away, but he wouldn't let me. Just when the last of my resolve was about to disappear into nothing, I heard someone clear their throat behind us. I immediately took a step backwards and Edward dropped both of his hands to his side. _Thank God. Well, thank you, Carlisle._

"Am I interrupting something?" Carlisle said, slight amusement written on his face.

"No, not at all," Edward said stiffly, but managed to force a smile on the end of it.

"Your mother sent me up here to check on you," he said, looking at Edward. "You've been gone for 10 minutes, and the others are all here, downstairs waiting."

"Oh, sorry. Bella was just…asking me about one of her assignments," Edward lied.

"Riiiiiiight," Carlisle said, clearly not convinced. He smiled again.

"We'll be right down," Edward reassured his father. At that, Carlisle retreated and then it was just the two of us again. My back was towards Edward now, and I was not going to turn around in fear of jumping him in the middle of the hallway.

"Bella?" he questioned, hope resounding in his voice.

"What?" I spat angrily. And I was angry. I was here with Jake and I was **not** going to cheat on Jake for a liar. I started to take a step forward when Edward grabbed my wrist. I spun around.

"Don't. Touch. Me," I said slowly, furious. I was absolutely fuming. I turned back around and exited quickly down the hallway in what I hoped was the right way back to the kitchen.

I forced a smile as I entered the room, and Alice squealed when she saw me. "Bella!" she exclaimed as she ran across the room and hugged me.

"Hi Alice," I said as happily as I could, but she gave me a 'Do you want to talk about it?' look. I shook my head slightly as if to say 'not now'. "Hi Rose," I said as I walked across to the leggy blonde and hugged her.

"Sis!" exclaimed Emmett. "Where have you been all my life?" he asked as he held his arms open for a hug. I hugged him back. "Hey, Em."

I looked for Jazz but couldn't see him. "Ally, where's Jazz?" I asked her, confusion evident in my voice.

"Oh. Carlisle is just showing him the history books in the library," she smiled.

I smiled at this. That was just like Jasper. I was glad everyone was getting along so well. Mind you, we all knew each other by this stage. Then it clicked.

"Uh, where's Jake?" I asked to the room.

"Oh. He said he had to go and get something out of the car…but that was a few minutes ago now," Esme told me.

"Oh," I paused. "I'll go and make sure he didn't get lost," I laughed weakly and made a quick exit down the hallway that I first used to enter the kitchen.

"Jake? What are you doing out here?"

"What do you think, Bella?" he said harshly. I automatically took a step back.

"Uh…?" I stammered.

"You're into him," he whispered callously.

"Him?" I pretended I didn't know who he was talking about.

"Professor Cullen, or should I say 'Edward'?"

"What? Jake! No! We're friends. His sister is dating my brother, and we live in the same apartment building. That's all it is. I'm with you. Do you really think I would bring you to a dinner with Edward and his family if I was in love with him?"

"I, I guess not," he stuttered. "Why were you in the 'bathroom' for so long, then?"

"I was asking him about my assignment that is due on Monday, not that it's any of your business!" I told him angrily. I didn't know why I was angry at Jake. He hadn't done anything wrong. He'd hit the nail on the head with Edward and I. That's probably why I was angry at him…

"Oh. Okay," he said, immediately drawing his sword from battle. He smiled weakly at me.

"I'm going inside to enjoy a lovely home cooked meal with my friends and family. You can choose what you want to do," I said harshly as I spun on my heel and headed back toward the house.

Jake followed me timidly back into the house where the smell of the roast wafted through the air.

As we reached the kitchen, I tried to replace the pissed off look on my face with a calm, happy one, but apparently I didn't do it too well as Alice shot me an 'Are you okay?' look. I just looked down at the floor in front of me. I could feel a set of eyes on me. I knew who's they were. That's why I was refusing to look up. Less than a second later, my phone buzzed. I looked at it. It was a message from Alice.

"R U Ok? What's going on?"

I quickly sent back "Don't worry about it. I'll tell U later." I could still feel Edward's gaze on me.

Esme announced that dinner was served, so we made our way into the dining area. I took a seat near the middle of the table. Jake sat down on one side of me, and Edward on the other.

I sighed loudly. _Here we go, _I thought.

**So, here's the update I promised a long time ago. Sorry. Life gets crazy, hectic busy around Christmas time. I hope you all stuck around to read this, and I'm really sorry about the inconsistent, spread out, long delayed, way overdue updates. **

**We made it to the dinner! :D YAYY! Haha. **

**If any of you have stuck around to read this, it would mean absolutely everything to me if you reviewed it! The more reviews, the quicker the update! **

**Love always,**

**Keet xx**


	19. After Everything I Must Confess I Need U

**Hey guys. Me again. If you remember… I had this chapter going for months. I had so much trouble writing it, though. So I'm sorry it took me so long. I made it up to you! I promise. For those of you who might be offended, this is your warning..**

**WARNING: The second half of this chapter has sex. A lot of sex. Although, you are reading an M rated story, so you should be expecting that. **

**Anyway, that's your warning. Enjoy, my lovelies. And I hope you are… satisfied.. by this chapter. ;)**

So far, dinner was going well. I was enjoying the company and the food, but I wasn't enjoying the attention I was receiving from the males sitting either side of me. I had made the mistake of asking Edward to pass me the salt, and Jake had tensed up so much I thought he was going to turn into a statue.

Esme's cooking was as amazing as the kitchen it came from, and the wine was exquisite. Pretty soon I was pretty tipsy and Emmett was cracking his hilarious and usually inappropriate jokes, which had everyone clutching at their full stomachs, gasping for air.

Jake eventually relaxed a little bit and placed his hand on my thigh. I tried to ignore it, which wasn't hard because of all the alcohol I had consumed throughout the evening. The night was progressing nicely and I was getting to hear some embarrassing stories about Edward and Rose when they were younger. I took another gulp of my wine. I had no idea how many I had had by now, but I was very aware of how much I had to go to the bathroom. I excused myself and made my way to the stairway that Edward had led me up last time.

"Bella," I heard a voice behind me. I spun around, holding back a drunken giggle.

"Yes?" I said, and came face to face with Edward, standing there in all his sexiness. I really had had too much to drink.

"Uh…" he said, as though he was confused. "Sexiness?"

_Oh, crap! I'd said that last bit out loud._ I giggled loudly while not even trying to hide my embarrassment. "Don't play dumb with me, mister," I slurred. "You know how sexy you are," I nodded as though I had just said the most obvious thing in the world. In my defence, it was pretty obvious. Edward smiled at me, clearly finding humour in my drunken stupor.

"I have to pee," I said as I turned around and headed towards what I thought was the right door. _Wrong._

In front of me was the biggest bed I had ever seen, a music and book collection that I would actually die for, and an acoustic guitar. I took a step into the room – I couldn't help it. Then another and another until I found myself standing in front of a wall to wall, floor to ceiling bookshelf with every good book I could think of plus about a million more.

"Whoa," I immediately sobered up.

Edward cleared his throat behind me, causing me to jump.

"Who's room is this?" I asked as I ran my finger along one of the shelves, mentally noting some of the titles.

"Mine," Edward said as he moved further into the room.

"Wow," I said stupidly, my back still to him. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I could feel Edward getting closer and closer to me, and I tensed up in anticipation, in _hope_, that he would put his hands on me. I knew I was supposed to be angry at him, but it was too tiring, and there was no use when I was so in need of him. I knew I was hurting Jake, and I knew I was a bad, bad, horrible person for using him like I was, but sometimes, love just takes over. Turns out love has another name – _Edward._ He had taken over my every thought, my every move, my every feeling. I no longer had any control over, well, anything.

At that moment, Edward's hands delicately ran up and down my sides, creating a heat in my core that could rival that of the sun. I let out a slight whimper at his touch, wanting him to touch the part of me that was becoming wetter and wetter by the second. I moaned slightly when his lips pressed against the nape of my neck. I pressed myself into him and I could feel his length pressing into my lower back.

"Bella," Edward gasped at the contact.

"Fuck me," I moaned as I moved my head to the side to give him better access to my neck. I felt my eyes flutter closed as his warm breath blew over my neck. I heard him groan loudly at my forward demand. He suddenly stopped and took a shaky step backwards.

"I can't do this," he said solemnly.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confusion evident on my face.

"This…us…it's wrong. I can't do it. You're at my parent's house with another man. And you're drunk. I can't take advantage of you like that. I can't be with you. I could lose my job. You could lose your scholarship, for Christ sakes! There is no way that we could work. I couldn't let you risk everything like that, Bella."

I couldn't believe he was doing this to me, _again._

"Seriously?" I half exclaimed, half questioned. Suddenly infuriated, my tone changed, "What. The. Fuck. Is. Your. Problem?" I spoke through gritted teeth. "Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold." I whispered to myself, beyond pissed off, but still confused. "Fuck!"

"Bella…?" Edward spoke up timidly.

"Fuck. Off." I said as I turned on my heel, and made my way to the bathroom. I _really _had to pee.

When I emerged from the bathroom, Edward was nowhere to be seen. I made my way back down stairs and took my seat at the dinner table. Still no sign of Edward. As much as I didn't want to see him, I felt anxious not knowing his whereabouts. I gave one more confused look around the dinner table and accepted the fact that he'd disappeared. _Good_, I caught myself thinking.

Jake looked at me with a puzzled look on his face, and placed a comforting hand on my thigh under the table.

It was at that moment that I broke. I couldn't handle it anymore. The lies, the deceit. The hand on my thigh was the straw that broke the camel's back. As the first traitor tear fell, I got up from the dinner table and found my way out the front door as fast as my feet would take me.

The crisp air on my face was a refreshing change to the hot tears that were spilling down my cheeks now. I breathed heavily and watched as my hot breath collided with the cool air in clouds of condensation as a sob escaped my throat.

"Bella?" I heard a soft voice behind me. "What happened?"

I turned to my best friend, tears trickling down my cheeks. "Can you just take me home, Alice?" I whispered. She didn't say anything after that, and just my occasional sob filled the silence in the car. When we got home, Alice helped me remove my dress and I climbed into bed in my lingerie, curling up and wanting to be asleep to escape the reality and confusion I was in. But I couldn't sleep. My core was throbbing. The sexual frustration was becoming too much. I slowly slid my hand down my stomach and began playing with my panties, occasionally slipping a finger under the small piece of cloth.

I was coming closer to my release when I just stopped. I couldn't do it. All I could think about was Edward. All I wanted was him on top of me, underneath me, with me. I could imagine our bodies working together in perfect synchrony as our orgasms built in intensity. I groaned loudly in frustration. I didn't know what to do anymore.

He was my professor. He _could_ lose his job. I _could _lose my scholarship. But by not risking those things, I was risking losing the man I could spend the rest of my life with. The love of my life. I could transfer to a different university. It wasn't going to be too hard to do that, surely. A knock at my door cut my thoughts short. I looked at the time. _11:05_. I must be Alice checking on me. I didn't bother with covering up what little clothing I had on.

"Who is it?" I called out as I ran across the room and unlocked the door.

"It's…" I opened the door. "Me." Edward said, standing there looking at me through his lashes, his head hung low. His eyes shined in the light as though he had been crying.

"Come in," I said as I stepped aside and let him in. I didn't bother covering up. He'd seen it all before.

**EPOV**

As I followed Bella into her moonlit apartment, I noticed she was wearing nothing but some skimpy panties, and a bra that made her breasts look beautiful. I studied her body in the dimly lit room. I looked at the way the moonlight hit the shimmery material that hardly covered her perfect ass. I could see the warmth held in her brown eyes as she turned around to look at me.

"We could do this. We could figure something out," She trailed off.

Her mouth opened as though she was going to say something more, but as she did, our eyes locked and we walked towards each other, completely separate to our actions; to what was about to happen.

I tipped my head to the side as I watched her. I watched the way her hips moved and the way her breasts shook slightly with every step. She was pleading with me; my body knew it, my mind knew it. My body was more than willing to accept her pleas for the pleasure her body was screaming for. I needed to satisfy her needs. For her. For me. I felt our bodies press together in what could only be defined as a perfect moment. I looked deep into her eyes as our lips crashed together furiously. Bella pulled me to her as she kissed me. It was full of need. All of the frustration we had felt in the past few weeks came out in that one kiss. I was becoming accustomed to her sweet taste. I heard her moan softly as I licked her lips, begging her to part them. She finally surrendered, letting my tongue slide in deeply. I felt her fingers run through my hair as she pulled my head close.

Our tongues danced erotically as our bodies pressed against each other. I could feel her hard nipples through the fabric of my shirt and her bra. I was sure she could feel my hard erection pressing against her stomach. I ran my hands down her back. They slid smoothly over her satiny skin. I covered her ass and massaged softly before advancing down. My hands dropped to her firm thighs. I worked my way back up. A smile grew on my face as my hands ran over her ass again.

Bella gripped the hem of my shirt. I quickly moved out of her way as she pulled it over my head. I hurriedly unhooked her bra. My smile grew as I feathered my hand over the growing wet spot that her barely there panties covered.

"I need you to fuck me..." She whispered frustratedly as I ran my fingers down her inner thighs. "I need your cock." If we weren't in the midst of an out of body experience, I am positive that Bella would be absolutely appalled and embarrassed at what just came out of her mouth.

"In due time..." I muttered teasingly. "God... You are so beautiful." I said in awe.

I hooked my fingers through the sides of her panties and pulled them down over her thighs, she lifted her legs as I worked them down her creamy white legs until the imposing piece of fabric was off. My smile grew at the presence of her pink wet lips. The moonlight shone on her glistening pussy. I gently eased two fingers into her sweet pussy and finger fucked her gently. I heard her take in a deep, gasping breath as I pressed and rubbed her. Bella squealed and panted, as I rubbed up and down, stimulating her clitoris into a swollen state. My tongue continued to play with hers as I stared into her warm brown eyes.

"Edward..." She moaned as she bucked her hips. The sensations were taking over as I continued to stroke with just the right amount of pressure. I pulled her mouth away and quickly replaced my fingers with my tongue. I flicked the tip of my tongue over her clitoris, causing her to yelp.

"Edward...Oh god! Please...stop! I'm going to-." She shouted as I pushed her over the edge. She released her hot creamy fluid into my awaiting mouth.

I groaned as I sucked and slurped her essence. She tasted just as sweet as I assumed she would. I needed her. This was my candy. I would be more than happy to eat her pussy for the rest of my life. I lapped until I had licked her clean.

"You taste so good..." I moaned as I reluctantly pulled my face away.

"Oh god... Thank you." She moaned as she laid her head back.

"That was nothing." I said with a slight smile.

My cock was throbbing. I looked down at her rock hard rosy nipples. They were quickly transforming into raspberries. They were begging for my mouth. I ran my tongue up her rib cage and over her plump breast. She shrieked as I took her nipple in my mouth and bit down teasingly. Bella ran her hands down my back and pushed my already unbuttoned jeans down as far as she could, allowing my rock hard cock to spring free. Her hands grasped my ass and squeezed hard.

"Please, fuck me," she begged. "I can't wait any longer." She whimpered as she ran her fingers down the crook of my hip to my painfully hard penis. "Oh god..." She moaned as she felt its girth in her hand.

"I don't remember it being this big," Bella stuttered as she fingered its velvety head with her thumb. She grasped the base of my cock and began pumping vigorously. I groaned and bucked my hips with her motion. She looked into my eyes before she stopped pumping and dropped her hands.

"What?" I asked in shock as I opened my eyes.

"Condom." She moaned. "Top drawer. Bedroom." She said as she pushed me away. "Grab five."

Her eyes never left my cock. I immediately ran to her room and just grabbed a handful of the small packages. She grabbed one from my hand and ripped it open. I watched as her petite fingers rolled the condom over the head of my penis, smoothing it out to the base.

"Please, fuck me." She moaned as she gripped my hips and pulled me down onto her body, splayed out on the floor. I ran my hand over her face and looked at her.

"Bella... Bella..." I moaned with as smile as I pushed her knees up. She spread her legs. I slowly thrust myself into her.

"Oh god..." She moaned as she felt me slide into her. Her walls spread with resistance to allow for my size.

I continued to pump into her. Every bit of frustration was apparent. We had been feeling so many feelings. We had so much passion that had been pent up for so fucking long. Each thrust was a mixture of pleasure and perfection. Neither of us could stop the amazing physical and emotional feelings that were pulsing between us.

"Fuck." I grunted as I thrust into her. "You're so tight." I groaned as I pushed and pulled.

If I hadn't known better, I would think that she was a virgin. My hands rested on the sides of her body as I forced myself in and out of her. My mouth covered hers in an attempt to quiet her moans and screams. My tongue thrust in and out, mimicking the rhythm of my hard cock. She wrapped her legs tightly around my hips as I pressed my thick cock to her sweet, sweet lips. Her wetness allowed me slide myself all the way inside.

"Oh god!" She shouted as the head of my cock hit her cervix. I continued to fuck her mouth with my tongue. Bella thrust her hips towards me as she accepted my rock hard pole again and again. She yelped into my mouth as her body began contracting. Hot juices poured onto my hard cock as I continued to pound her over and over.

"Oh fuck!" I yelled as I felt myself near the edge. I tensed my ass as Bella's perfect cunt pumped my cock over and over until my balls exploded. Bella bit down on my shoulder as she yelped, spilling her hot cum again. In a last stitch effort, I pounded again. My tongue fucked and licked her mouth as her walls clamped down on my cock. I pounded into her creamy pussy without a pause. Her body shook at the pounding force I had bestowed on her. Bella's breasts bounced and her head tossed back. She whimpered as I pushed into her once again as she reached her ultimate pleasure. She shook as her body continued to spasm over and over again. I groaned as I quit pumping and collapsed on top of her.

"Fuck... That was-" I started and stopped, catching my breath.

"Amazing," She finished as I laid my head down between her breasts.

A few minutes later we had nearly caught our breaths. She looked up at me and smiled cheekily. "Again?"

**So, there you go. I hope you enjoyed that. I sure as hell enjoyed writing it. :D **

**Again, I'm sorry it has taken me about 7,000 years to update.. again. But that was your consolation present… **

**I hope you can forgive me. **

**Not sure when I can next update this, with uni and the like kicking my ass. But I am on uni break from the 10****th**** of June. So hopefully, I will have a juicy update for you soon after that.**

**Thank you for reading. Please don't forget to review. **

**Love you all!**

**-Keet.**


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